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shadowglove88
Ghost 2/3 
7th-Apr-2010 11:52 pm
shadowglove88
Title: Ghost
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Fandom: Merlin (bbc)
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or Okubyou na Yubisaki
Summary: When Arthur's big brother Leon died, he didn't even have the common decency to cross over. And while Arthur resentfully tries to figure out why the ghost keeps retracing his last moments, he stumbles upon Merlin Emrys, Leon's old friend.
Note: Based on the Japanese manga: Okubyou na Yubisaki.







Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it.

Now that he had Merlin in front of him, he couldn't remember why exactly he'd come looking for him in the first place. It was a little disconcerting, how having those blue eyes looking up expectantly at him could muddle his brain. He didn't like it. But at the same time it wasn't as if he was staying away, was it?

And why was that, in the first place?

Everything about Leon irritated Arthur.

Especially his friends.

Or things that reminded Arthur of Leon.

And Merlin was both.

And yet, here he was.

Why?

He just couldn't figure out why.

The blonde took in a deep breath and then realized something, narrowing his eyes. "Right now...you didn't mistake me for Leon again, did you?"

The guilt was dark on Merlin's every feature as he smiled sheepishly up at him from his seat.

He didn't even try to deny it.

Already irritated, Arthur sighed. "Let's talk outside." He turned and began walking away, not even giving Merlin the chance to accept or decline.

"But there's only ten minutes left until class starts." Merlin called from behind him.

"Then we'll just cut." Arthur shrugged, looking behind him at Merlin in impatience.

The boy was looking at him in surprise at the very suggestion.

Apparently he wasn't one to cut classes.

Then again, Leon always had been a goody goody two shoes.

Made sense that his friends would be as well.

Arthur closed his eyes, a muscle jumping in his cheek.

Stop thinking about him for fucks sake!

He felt heat by his side and opened his eyes to see Merlin smiling curiously at him, and as quickly as his irritation had appeared, it disappeared. Together they walked out of the classroom, and while with any other student the teachers would have reminded them that classes would soon begin, he was Arthur Pendragon. His father donated ridiculous amounts of money to this school, and it wasn't only the students who tended to let Arthur get away with murder.

The two students made their way to the roof of the school, leaning against the railing and looking out.

Others weren't supposed to come out here, but Arthur had made it a habit to come here when he wanted to smoke, or just escape the others for a while.

This was the first time he'd actually brought someone here with him, and he didn't want to stop and think about why. And why Merlin of all people.

This was his refuge, his sanctuary, his hidden kingdom.

It made no sense that he was sharing it with the clumsy friend of his dead brother's.

And what made less sense was that, standing there looking down at the view in silence, Arthur felt more at peace than he had for a long time.

It...it made no sense at all.

This was so confusing.

It was all so damned confusing!

"You know..." Merlin finally broke the silence, taking in a deep breath of air and smiling down at the picturesque scenery below. "I had a really good time...last time."

Really? Arthur didn't look at Merlin, instead keeping his gaze in front of him.

Merlin finally turned towards Arthur, that curious glint back in his eyes. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Not really." Arthur admitted, still refusing to look at the other boy, a little embarrassed and frustrated by how fast his words and thoughts had just vanished. This never happened to him. "I just happened to see you around."

Merlin tilted his head to the side and looked at Arthur thoughtfully before looking back at the scenery. "Is that so..."

"Are you always like that?" Arthur finally asked, saying the first thing that came to his head.

Usually he was naturally charming, and yet he had to mentally grasp for straws to be able to speak to Merlin all of a sudden.

"Huh?" The raven-haired youth turned to him in confusion.

"Your classmate said that you're always in a daze." Arthur explained as he finally turned to look at Merlin. "But a few days ago you had a lot to say."

A blush appeared on Merlin's face as he twisted his mouth slightly, embarrassment obvious as he lowered his gaze, something he apparently did a lot. "I talk a lot when it comes to topics I like." He replied, running long, slender fingers through his dark hair. "And I have a part time job, so I don't participate in clubs or go out a lot to talk..."

There was silence.

And there was only one thought in Arthur's mind.

"So you met Leon there..."

Merlin was silent, raising his gaze to examine Arthur intently.

"What?" He asked, feeling defensive.

"I thought you didn't want to discuss your brother." The slightly taller boy replied in a subdued voice, that sad look entering his blue eyes.

And Arthur hated the fact that just mentioning Leon's name was enough to add such emotion to Merlin's face.

The blonde's expression hardened, an angered flush tinting his skin as he narrowed his eyes and sucked in air through his teeth harshly, the sound violent.

Why did this affect him so much?

Why...?

The blonde snarled and turned, heading back towards the door that would lead him to the stairs so he could return back down to where classes would be starting.

"Arthur?" Merlin called after him, voice worried. "I'm sorry if I upset you...I just..."

"Leon, Leon, Leon." Arthur growled. "It's written all over your face." He twirled around angrily on his heels to face Merlin, back to the door. "It makes no difference whether or not someone as helpless as Leon exists." His anger was building up, dark and resentful in his chest. "I'm actually grateful that Leon's friends won't swarm around my house anymore." His chest was hurting. "What's so great about a guy like him anyway?"

Merlin was quiet.

He was usually quiet.

But his expression, his expression screamed so many things.

Pain, shock, anger, disbelief.

But instead of voicing any of those emotions, instead of saying any of the things Arthur knew must have been on the tip of his tongue, Merlin ducked his head and attempted to walk passed Arthur to get to the stairs.

And he made it, a little distance inside, staying on the top step.

He probably would have made it further if Arthur hadn't hurried after him and grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going?" Arthur held tightly to that arm, standing in the narrow top step with Merlin, the door closing on them and bathing them in shadows. "Say something!"

"If you want me to say it now, I won't be able to say it calmly!" Merlin tried to jerk his arm out of Arthur's grip.

Arthur wouldn't let him...refused to let go. "I don't want you to say it calmly!"

Merlin opened his mouth, and then closed it. He took in a deep breath, an angry flush making its way up his neck, contrasting against the alabaster pale of his skin. "I know you're upset over your brother's death, but--but you shouldn't say those kinds of things."

"It's true I'm his brother," Arthur admitted, tightening his hold on Merlin's arm just in case the boy tried for freedom once more. "But I don't necessarily have to be sad, right?"

There was silence between them.

The angry flush reached Merlin's cheeks.

Arthur found himself oddly transfixed at the contrasts of red and white.

Merlin looked up at Arthur, shaking his head. "Why are you telling me this!?"

Arthur's eyes widened.

Why...

That...that was a very good question.

"A-Arthur." Merlin spoke, deep emotion in his voice. "Everyone adored your brother. He was a gentle, straight forward person, yet he passed away just like that... That day..." Merlin closed his eyes tightly, as if unable to look at Arthur. "If I hadn't asked him to come out, I..."

Arthur's eyes widened, feeling like he'd been slapped. "He left to see you that night?"

Merlin's eyes opened, and those blue orbs searched Arthur's face before he looked away in shame. "I--I asked him out because I had something to tell him...we...we were supposed to meet in front of the park I saw you by last time. But Leon...Leon never came." His head lowered, his body shaking. "I heard the ambulance sirens too...the ones that drove him away...but I didn't know..."

Arthur's grip slipped away from Merlin's arm in shock.

The other boy took the opportunity and bolted.

Arthur couldn't move to go after him even if he wanted.

He could only stare at the boy he knew was crying as he raced away.

Arthur leaned bonelessly against the wall.

The reason Leon leaves every week...

He brought his hand to his forehead.

...Is Merlin.

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"Merlin Emrys?" Morgana made a face as she blew at the wet nail polish. She was staying in for once, since Lancelot had done (most probably his first ever) grounding-worthy deed ever, and she preferred to stay in than go out without him. Most probably because without Lancelot she tended to get crowded by the boys wherever she went, and the boys always ended up getting physically hurt, which always landed her in trouble. So she'd deigned to spend time home with Arthur in his room that evening, tending to her nails. "Yeah, I remember him. He was Leon's friend from his part-time job, right?" She smiled. "He was really sweet at the funeral."

"Why did Leon work anyway?" Arthur growled, laying back down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "He was the heir for crying out loud! He didn't need a part-time job!"

Morgana frowned at Arthur. "You know Leon, he wanted to make his own money. I always admired that about him."

Arthur gave a little sneer. "Apparently everyone admired him."

"So what if they did? He was admirable." Morgana's voice was a little dangerous, and then she sighed, blowing on her nails once again. "So... You gonna tell me why you asked me about Merlin out of the blue like that?"

"It's nothing." Arthur sighed up at the ceiling. "I just met him recently."

"Oh." Morgana wiggled her fingers before sighing and dropping them to her thighs, head bent, expression pained. "Half a year....seems like such a long time."

Arthur just sighed and continued to look at the ceiling.

Every time, when friday comes...


He closed his eyes tightly.

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"So, we going somewhere fun tonight?" Percy was asking, grinning brightly. "We could always go to that new place that opened up. I hear the girls like it there, and with the great Arthur Pendragon around we'll be flooded by female presences."

Valiant smirked at the thought. "We should definitely go!"

Arthur sighed and leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest, as he looked at the ceiling, bored out of his wits.

"Sophia's been looking good lately." Percy nudged Arthur in the ribs teasingly. "And we all know who she's looking to getting to know better!"

Arthur looked down at Percy, eyes narrowed and about to snap at him for bruising his ribs, when he noticed Merlin walking down the hall towards him, talking to the dark skinned girl Arthur guessed was Gwen, the best friend Merlin had mentioned.

It'd been a couple of day since the episode in the stairwell, it was friday, and he'd wondered if he'd be able to catch a glimpse of the other boy before the weekend began.

He---he'd been hoping he would.

Merlin looked up from where he'd been laughing, and froze for a second when he finally noticed Arthur, their eyes meeting and holding.

The girl, Gwen, bit her bottom lip nervously.

Merlin's eyes then narrowed and he turned to look at Gwen, continuing the conversation as he passed Arthur...

...as if...as if Arthur didn't even exist.

That dark thing inside of Arthur, that thing that only reacted this way around Merlin, it raged inside of him.

"Don't ignore me, Merlin." He spoke evenly as Merlin and Gwen passed him.

Gwen looked up at Arthur in a mixture of scolding and anxiousness.

But Merlin didn't even react, instead, looking ahead.

Something in Arthur was desperate and furious and needed Merlin to look at him.

To acknowledge him.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO IGNORE ME!" He yelled down the hall after the black haired boy.

Everyone turned to look at Arthur with wide eyes.

Gwen jumped and reached for Merlin instinctively.

But Merlin didn't react.

Didn't even twitch.

Arthur clenched his teeth and his fists, before pounding his right fist behind him into the wall viciously.

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Hesitating outside, Arthur took in a deep breath and wondered when he'd resorted to stalking.

Though, technically he wasn't stalking due to the fact that he hadn't physically followed Merlin to the video store where he worked in after school. Still, after realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere with Merlin in school, Arthur had decided that the next course of action would be to confront the slender male in the only place he was forced to be nice and listen to him, or, err, be nice to and listen to a customer.

Sure, it was underhanded, but Arthur wasn't going to tolerate another episode of Merlin acting as if Arthur didn't exist, as if he was no one to him.

So taking in a deep breath, and with a last glimpse of himself in the plate glass door, Arthur cleared his throat and went forth to battle, putting on his most innocent expression as he strode into the video center. Immediately his eyes searched out the small place he'd ignored and avoided like hell while his brother was alive and working there, zeroing in on Merlin immediately.

As if he had some sixth sense when it concerned him.

The oblivious boy was wearing an apron...putting away some DVDs.

Taking in another breath, Arthur marched up behind Merlin and hesitated making his presence known, changing his stance a couple of times before deciding to just lean against one of the DVD shelves in a casual posture. He then cleared his throat.

Merlin turned around, a half-smile on his face, but it melted into shock when he recognized the blonde behind him. "Arthur?"

Arthur gave him a smile. "I want to become a member."

Narrowing his eyes in utter confusion, Merlin nodded towards the check out counter and went behind, reaching behind to pull out a form and pen, sliding them across the counter towards Arthur. "You'll have to fill out this form and give me your ID." He watched Arthur as the blonde bent over to begin filling out the form. "You know...the video rental store near your house has a more complete collection."

"I only came here because this is the place where my brother used to work." Arthur replied, not daring to look up as he said that in case Merlin read the truth on his face. "Here's my school ID."

Merlin picked up the ID he slid him.

"Look at that guy filling out the form." One of the girls in the store giggled to another.

"So handsome!" Her friend agreed.

Arthur tried to keep the displeasure off of his face.

God, couldn't they just leave him alone for one minute?

"Yeah." Merlin whispered to himself.

Arthur blinked and looked up from the form. "What?"

Merlin's eyes widened slightly and he blushed, scratching the side of his head. "Ah...nothing..."

Arthur couldn't keep the smile from tilting his lips upwards as Merlin slid back his ID card nervously.

"Merlin!" Someone called from the back. "You can leave now. I'll take over."

Merlin looked over his shoulder as he took off his apron. "Okay. Thanks Will!"

Arthur looked up, straightening rapidly as Merlin passed the apron to the newcomer and left the store.

Unbelievable.

The blonde shook his head and hurried out after him.

"Hey sir! Your membership card!" Merlin's replacement yelled from the counter.

Arthur ignored him as he hurried out of the store, catching up with Merlin easily. "Gee. Not even a farewell?"

Merlin looked up in surprise. "Uh, goodbye?"

Arthur growled, unable to believe it. "You're really missing something in that head of yours, aren't you, Merlin?" He blew out an annoyed breath, shaking his head. "Honestly!"

Merlin blinked, looking confused and a little wary. "Did you...want to go home together?"

"No." Arthur grumbled, sticking his hands in his jacket's pockets and beginning to walk away. "Just happens to be in the same direction so---."

"Actually," Merlin interrupted from a little behind him. "I'm in this direction, so.... Bye."

Arthur closed his eyes tightly before turning around and virtually snarling. "Merlin!"

The lithe male stopped in his tracks, turning to look over his shoulder. "What?"

"Why did you ignore me today?" Arthur couldn't keep his cool, couldn't shut his mouth, and couldn't figure out who was the biggest fool, him or Merlin. "You can socialize with that stupid brother of mine, but not me?"

Merlin's face closed up immediately.

Arthur stood his ground, just looking at him.

The young man turned to fully face Arthur, a myriad of different emotions suddenly on his face. "Arthur? Do you---do you want to talk about your brother...or not? Which is it?"

Arthur stood silent.

"If I mention your brother, you'll become unhappy. But every time you're with me, you want to dig out the matter." Merlin shook his head. "You're always badmouthing Leon, and always looking at me with disgust. I can't take it anymore, okay?"

It felt as if cold water had been poured all over Arthur's body.

Did Merlin really think that was how he looked at him?

"If you hate me for calling Leon out that day, then there's nothing I can do." Merlin continued on, the sadness in his eyes growing. "At any rate, don't bother with me anymore if you hate me." He took in a deep breath. "I also will not speak to you anymore."

Never?

Merlin turned to leave.

"You're just going to leave after all that?" Arthur growled, causing Merlin to turn towards him once more. "God. You piss me off." The blonde clenched his fist. "You really get on my nerves. Who do you think you are?" That darkness and anger and resentment was nearly blinding as he sneered and advanced on Merlin like a predator might. "As Leon's young brother, I'm glad that you're praising him so highly." He sneered. "Is he that important to you?" That sneer grew as he circled the boy. "You're not gay are you?" He laughed, and it was a nasty sound. "You said you respect him, but the truth is that you love him, right?"

He'd just wanted to pick a fight with Merlin, so he'd intentionally said something to anger him.

But Merlin...

...His face was very honest.

Arthur went still, the sneer dropping as he noticed the blush tinting the pale boy red.

"Are you serious?" He whispered, using his lightning-like reflexes to grab Merlin when the younger boy tried to leave, and swung him around to face him. "You like that brother of mine?" Arthur couldn't believe it, pulling Merlin closer to him despite his struggling. "Was that the reason why he wasn't popular with the girls?"

"This has nothing to do with Leon!" Merlin tried to struggle out of Arthur's hold, but he was lithe and delicate, like a dancer would be, whereas Arthur was athletic and strong from years of rugby, wrestling, and any other sport he could get into.

"You're not going to cover for yourself? Not going to deny it?" For some reason that made Arthur even more furious as he gripped Merlin hard enough to hurt on purpose. "He didn't seem to be very smart. Why would you possibly--?" His chest was burning, his smile hurting. "Did you let him bury himself in you? Did you let that gorilla----."

He didn't see the slap coming.

He should've.

"You're the worst." Merlin whispered, slipping his bruised hand out of Arthur's now loose hold and walking away.

Arthur couldn't even bring himself to watch the boy as he left, shame and remorse and so many different feelings welling up in his chest.

I know.

He turned and when he entered his house, he realized he'd blanked out the whole trip back. All he could remember was saying those words, tightening his grip on that pale, unblemished arm, and seeing the disgust on Merlin's face.

God, Merlin had ever reason to be disgusted with him!

Arthur was disgusted by himself and how he'd behaved!

And he---he couldn't understand why he had.

Couldn't understand why the revelation that Merlin had been gay for his brother had sent him off his rocker in such a violent, unpredictable way.

Why did he care?

Merlin had been a total stranger up until a couple of days ago.

Why did this matter so much?

The blonde collapsed on the seat in the living room, hiding his face in his hands as he sat hunched over.

He didn't know how long he waited there, like that, but then it was eleven thirty, and he was sitting in the darkness---could hear the footsteps hurrying down the stairs.

Arthur turned and glared, standing. "Where....where are you going, Leon?" He spoke to the apparition for the first time, going to meet it, head it off, as his brother made his way towards the front door. "If you go now you still won't be able to see Merlin!" Arthur snapped, feeling the anger and fury welling up in his chest once more as he stepped out in front of the ghost, blocking the way. "That day half a year ago, you didn't go!"

Leon continued towards him, not noticing him, not hearing a word he said.

Ignoring him.

Like Merlin would always do after what Arthur had done today.

That made the fury build even more in Arthur's chest.

"Arthur?" Morgana called from where she was upstairs, having heard his shouting. "What's going on? What are you shouting about?"

Arthur ignored her, eyes glared an intent on Leon. "I won't let you go out tonight! I won't let you try to find him!"

"Arthur?" Morgana arrived at the top of the stairs and stared down into the darkness. "Arthur? What's going on?"

Leon got closer and closer to Arthur.

"I won't let you!" Arthur hissed.

Morgana started hurrying down the stairs, flipping on the light as she did.

The sudden light momentarily blinded Arthur...and then Leon stepped through him, heading to the door and opening it, nearly tripping over the doorstep and down the steps, only managing to catch himself and regain his balance at the last minute, chuckling to himself about being clumsy before closing the door, humming.

Just like every friday.

Arthur stood motionless, looking ahead of him unseeingly.

Morgana reached his side, eyes wide in worry as she gripped at the front of his shirt. "Arthur? Arthur! What's going on? What's wrong?"

Arthur finally turned towards the door, and looked at it.

Every friday, Leon went to look for Merlin.

For Merlin.

Who loved him.

Clenching his fists, Arthur tore away from Morgana and rushed upstairs to his room.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That monday morning found Arthur standing in the doorway of Merlin's classroom, trying to find him in the group of classmates, and yet his desk by the window was vacant.

"Are you looking for Merlin?" The male student from before asked, coming towards him. "He's not here yet."

Arthur clenched his teeth.

"You always seem to be running after him." The student announced with a friendly smile, resting his hand on the back of his head. "Something wrong? Need me to help?"

"It has nothing to do with you." Arthur growled, gaze going from the classroom to scan the hallway on each side, pausing when he noticed Merlin heading towards him the same time Merlin noticed Arthur searching for him.

Merlin froze in the hallway, eyes wide.

Arthur turned towards him. "Mer---."

With a sharp turn on his heel, Merlin was gone, racing down the hallway in the opposite direction.

"Hey!" Arthur couldn't believe it. Merlin was running away from him! "WAIT!" He took off after the other boy, dodging the other students crowding the hallway.

"Run or you'll get caught, Emrys!" One of the students laughingly called.

"Get him, Pendragon!" Another cheered.

Arthur ignored them, pushing on, surprised at how hard it was to catch up with Merlin. The taller boy looked slow, but he was actually very fast.

The blonde wondered why he'd never tried out for the track team.

They could definitely have used him!

Merlin looked over at Arthur over his shoulder, and a moment's panic registered on his face before he returned his attention in front of him and pressed on harder, heading towards the stairs, obviously planning on heading up to the roof and finding a way of keeping the door closed between them as some sort of barrier...notwithstanding that the door actually locked on the inside.

But still...Arthur wasn't going to let him get that far from him.

Damn it...

He took the steps two by two, pushing himself harder than he ever had before, finding himself slowly closing in on the other boy.

Just as Merlin broke through the doorway onto the roof and turned to close the door, Arthur shot through the opening and grabbed Merlin by the arm, swinging them around and banging Merlin back against the door, closing it with a loud bang.

Merlin looked up at him, eyes wide, face flushed from overexertion.

Arthur kept his hands on Merlin's shoulders, making sure the boy couldn't bolt, but bent slightly, very out of breath. "You...made me run this fast..." He continued to pant, giving out a breathless little laugh. "I didn't even run this seriously in the Sprint Test we had in P.E."

"Why..." Merlin pressed back into the door. "Why were you looking for me?" He seemed to grow more nervous and confused as Arthur looked up at him in intent silence. "Didn't you say that I pissed you off? If that's true, then don't look for me!"

There...there had to be something wrong with him.

Why else would...?

"Merlin..." Arthur whispered, raising one hand from Merlin's shoulder so he could trace Merlin's bottom lip with his thumb in a near possessed motion.

Merlin went still, eyes wide in shock at the gesture.

And Arthur couldn't help himself---didn't want to.

Never losing eye contact, the blonde stepped closer and cupped Merlin's face with one hand and used the other to softly brush some of Merlin's hair out of his face so he could better see him. Hesitating only a second to look deeper into those eyes, Arthur brought his mouth to Merlin's in a soft kiss, groaning in pleasure as their lips touched. He leaned in, bringing their bodies closer, his seeming to become inflamed as he tasted the sweetness of Merlin's mouth, could smell the musk coming from his body.

And then he pulled himself away, barely managed to, and turned to the door, waiting for a shellshocked Merlin to step away before he hurried down the steps, wondering what the hell he had just done.

And why he desperately wanted to race back up those stairs and finish when he'd started.

The rest of the day Arthur was in a daze, replaying the events of that morning over and over again and unable to come up with a reason why he'd done it, why it'd felt so good, and why he so desperately wanted to seek Merlin out and do it again.

By the end of the day, he was on auto-pilot, going through the motions of things but with his mind elsewhere.

And very confused.

"Pendragon!" Percy called as they caught him making his way to his Ferrari.

"We heard you got into a fight with someone from class 3 today." Valiant announced, falling in stride with Percy.

"I wasn't in a fight." Arthur sighed, a little annoyed at having been asked about that by so many people already.

Everyone should just learn to mind their own business and stay out of his.

"The student advisor will definitely come for you." Valiant sniggered.

Arthur ignored him, replaying the kiss in his mind, and suddenly feeling a little hot under the collar.

So he loosened said collar.

"By the way," Percy's voice brought him out of his tormenting memory. "Did you lose a key-ring?"

"Huh?" Arthur frowned before shaking his head. "No, I don't have a key-ring."

"I found it out by the bleachers, half hidden." Percy announced. "There's a name engraved on it, and you're the only person in this school with the last name Pendragon."

"It says Pendragon?" Arthur froze, turning to look at Percy with more interest. "Let me see it."

The shorter boy searched in his pocket before passing the object in question to his friend. "Isn't it like a souvenir from a tourist resort or something like that?"

"Hmmm. It's customized." Valiant noticed. "Not only is the name Pendragon engraved on it, but there's a date too."

Arthur looked down at the key-ring, which was suddenly cold and heavy against his palm.

This is Leon's. The blonde couldn't look away. The souvenir he got from that last vacation he took. He...he loved this stupid thing. Was searching for it desperately for days before he...before the accident. The...stupid idiot...getting so attached to something so...so...stupid.

Curling his fingers over the trinket, Arthur took in a deep breath. "Leave it with me." He tightened his grip on it and looked up at the sky, before turning back towards the school. "I forgot something. I'm going back to get it."

"Want us to come with you?" Percy offered.

"No." He shook his head and continued back into the building he'd just come out of, making his way slowly towards Merlin's classroom.

He paused at the doorway, looking in at the empty room.

Some backpacks were still there though, their owners staying behind for different reasons.

He really didn't care about the others.

The only thing that mattered to him was that Merlin's backpack was still there, resting on top of Merlin's desk.

The desk the pale boy would sit at every day and stare out of the window, thinking about Leon, with that mind-numbing sadness in his blue orbs.

Arthur closed his eyes and hung his head, holding the key-ring so tightly he knew the engraving would leave marks in his palm.

And then, when he was about to bolt and damn this stupid idea to hell, the blonde reached forwards and softly deposited the key-ring next to Merlin's bag, before turning around and storming out of the classroom before Merlin could come back and find him.

He wasn't ready to face Merlin.

Not yet.

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He'd been studying, or trying to study, but the memory of the kiss had been too much of a distraction.

Merlin's lips had been soft and sweet.

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes, wondering if his brother had ever stayed up in his room, distracted beyond belief at the memory of those lips.

The thought had made him sick at his stomach, and angry, and even more confused.

It was probably the only reason why he'd gone out when Percy had called him, saying that there was a party going on and that all the girls were waiting for him to show up.

Arthur hadn't gone for the girls.

He'd gone for the drinks.

Drinks that would numb his senses and get rid of the confusing thoughts about Merlin, if only for a couple of hours.

And yet, when he'd drunk more than even he could handle, and brought one of the floozies home with him...when he'd sunk himself into her, he'd done so with his eyes closed---closed tightly.

And the face in his mind, the body he envisioned as the one beneath his, moaning and panting for him, the voice he imagined crying out his name as he finally came...

It was Merlin.

It was all Merlin.

When it was all over, and the nameless girl was sleeping in his bed, Arthur sat on the edge in the darkness, finally coming to terms with what should have been obvious all along.

He covered his face with his hands, hunching over in desperation.

I want him.
Comments 
8th-Apr-2010 12:28 pm (UTC)
It's actually damn painful reading how emotionally devastated and confused Arthur is about his brother's death, his own life and especially his feelings about Merlin.

Excellent work :):)
8th-Apr-2010 01:21 pm (UTC)
Aw! Didn't mean it to be painful, hon! Though I'm glad Arthur's inner turmoil is showing so that he doesn't seem like an emotionless bastard :D
8th-Apr-2010 09:59 pm (UTC)
Awww, heart-wrenching and volatile at the same time! Ah, Arthur! :) I still love this idea and I can't wait for the next part. Arthur is being a confusing prat, though, isn't he?
8th-Apr-2010 10:31 pm (UTC)
Yep, but that's just Arthur being Arthur!
(Deleted comment)
9th-Apr-2010 01:39 am (UTC)
OMGOMGOMGOMG! ANOTHER PERSON WHO JUST LOOKED AT THEM AND ASKED THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? It confirms it! The author had Arthur/Merlin in mind when the manga was drawn! Too much coincidences!
Ahm yes.....*grins* you know very well what's next *grin goes lecherous*
9th-Apr-2010 12:56 pm (UTC)
I think that I've read the manga, but it's nice to see your version :3 Will be looking forward to the update!

And btw, I dunno if anyone experiencing the same thing as I do, but I can't load your page fully, either with Google Chrome, Firefox in my laptop or Opera Mini from my mobile with different ISP--something about codes not able to load well. When I add ?style=mine, it's perfectly fine to be read, so maybe there's something wrong with the codes? I don't know what's wrong though, if it's just me or something like that.
9th-Apr-2010 07:26 pm (UTC)
Poor Arthur - not sure how to deal with his brother's death and then Merlin coming into his life. At least Arthur's realizing now that it's Merlin who he wants. :)

I look forward to the next chapter. :)
17th-Apr-2010 03:26 am (UTC)
Please update. Brilliant story love! Can't wait to see what happens next. ARTHUR/MERLIN!!!
17th-Apr-2010 10:01 pm (UTC)
Boy Arthur is very confused about everything, Merlin, his brother, his grief. Great job so far.
3rd-May-2010 08:27 pm (UTC)
I hope you are well and that you are able to update this lovely fic when you come back to your lj :):)
7th-May-2010 02:21 pm (UTC)
wow! This is awesome... can't wait for the rest! :D
8th-May-2010 12:26 am (UTC)

Hey, hope everything's okay, and that you're not posting for happy reasons instead of sad ones. You're a very interesting author, and you come up with ideas for crossovers I'd never dare tackle in a million years.
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