Pairings: Jacob/Edward, some Rosalie/Bella, insinuated other slash werewolf/vampire pairings
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: Jacob is in denial. Bella is his sister. Edward is in his mind. And apparently, according to Alice, everyone in the wolf tribe are destined to imprint on a vampire...and will also catch a case of the Gay Flu too. Yep. Jacob's in denial.
A/N1: Severely AU and Slashified...and the characters could very well be considered OOC due to the drastic change in circumstances! Don't like? PLEASE DON'T READ! ALSO! Every single pairing EXCEPT for Carlisle/Esme is uncanon.
IMPORTANT!!!! This is written for my good friend yenny2206, requested as a Christmas Gift by hogwartsvixxen. I hope you two are happy with this :)
Jacob hated Bella Black Swan.
He'd fallen asleep before what they'd talked about could really take root in his subconscious, or so he'd thought, because he'd suddenly found himself under the assault of pornographic dreams in which Edward Cullen had played a starring role. The wolf had awoken traumatized and horrified, especially since his sister had been sleeping in the same bed. That made this whole thing doubly wrong! He didn't know how the hell he was going to face Edward Cullen in school that day nor how he was going to keep his thoughts in check so that the vampire didn't realize just how messed up Jacob's mind was right now.
Before Bella and her Imprinting talk Jacob had been annoyed because the vampire was always there, in his brain, whenever they were close, and also Edward's scent seemed to be forever stuck in Jacob's nose because even at home he could scent him...
He'd just attributed it to Edward Cullen being a pain in the ass.
Now he was terrified that maybe Bella mightn't have been completely insane/brainwashed/deluded.
He kinda wished she had been.
Wincing as he dismounted from his motorcycle in the school parking lot, Jake turned towards Mike as the blonde reached him. "No."
"Oh come on Jake!" Mike whined. "I need you to do this little favor for me!"
"No." Jacob shook his head, beginning to walk towards the school, ignoring his friend. "Not a chance."
"What sort of best friend are you?" Mike hurried behind him, trailing him persistently.
"The type who has some dignity and self-respect." Jacob replied tersely.
"It's just a date!" Mike was nearly pulling out his hair. "And I'd not only pay you to do it-but I'd give you the money you'd need for the date as well!"
Jacob turned on Mike, eyes narrowed. "I am not going to go out on a date with Eric Yorkie just because you lost a bet with him!"
"It's either a date with you or I have to pay him four hundred bucks!" Mike grabbed Jacob's jacket in desperation. "I'm not asking you to screw him! Just take him out and let him bat his eyelashes at you a little!"
"No." Jacob slapped at Mike's hands.
"Ouch!" Mike cried, rubbing his stinging hands.
Jacob walked passed the blonde, ignoring the looks and waves.
He'd known for a while that Eric had a crush on him, and he really hadn't cared. Jacob wasn't homophobic, he believed that it didn't matter who you loved as long as you really loved that person. But he didn't love Eric Yorkie, at all, and he would not go out on a date with him just because Mike didn't have as much money as he did mouth. He'd made some stupid bet with Eric, had lost, and Jacob was not going to punish because of it.Wow, someone is in a bad mood.
Jacob nearly tripped, not ready to hear that voice in his mind.
Not so soon after that dream.
So he ignored Edward, and instead went to his locker, turning the combination to his lock and opening the door.
His reflection in the small mirror on the inside was utterly troubled.Are you okay?
Edward sounded less amused and more worried now. Did something happen?
Jacob reached for the books he'd be needing and closed back the locker.
He flinched as he recognized that voice to belong to the other
person he really wanted to avoid right now. "Eric."
Eric Yorkie was a nice enough guy...when he wasn't trying to get into your pants.
He was the only person that Jacob knew who was gay...or at least out publicly...and while Jacob admired the courage the boy had had to have to come out in a small town like Forks, he didn't exactly feel comfortable knowing that he was the object of said boy's attention.
Had been for a while now.Why are you ignoring me?
"Has Mike talked to you recently?" Eric asked subtly, obviously trying to figure out whether Jake knew about the bet or not.
Jacob wondered what exactly to answer.Did I do something to annoy you?
"Uhm, yeah, he did." Jacob ran his hand over his hair, wondering how to word this so that he didn't hurt Eric and yet left no doubt that he would never be interested.
Eric grinned. "So, you free Saturday?"What the hell is stuck up your ass? Answer me! Or do I have to hunt you down and-?
!" Jacob didn't know whether he was answering Eric or Edward. All he knew was that he'd answered out loud and now cleared his throat at the disappointed and hurt expression on Eric's face at just how vehemently he'd said that one word. "Uhm, Eric, it's not that I dislike you or anything, so please don't take it personally."
Eric lowered his head and sighed. "It doesn't have to be an official date or anything. No one has to know. Your friends don't have to know."
Jacob felt really bad hearing that. "Don't you think you deserve something better than that?"
Eric looked up at him, and smiled softly. "That's why I like you, Jake."You're ignoring me because you're talking to Eric Yorkie?
Edward sounded pissed.
Jacob continued to ignore the vampire, even though it was obvious that Edward was close enough to see him now.
"I just thought-I'm not seeing anyone-you're not seeing anyone..." Eric cleared his throat.
"Actually, I am." Jacob could have kicked himself for that one.
Eric looked up at him, eyes narrowing. "No you're not. The whole school would be talking about it if you were." "It's...uh...discreet." Jacob was digging a deeper and deeper pit for himself.
"Of course." Eric shook his head, obviously seeing this for the lie it was and not afraid to show it. "So who's this mystery lady that beat Jessica and Lauren in their unending battle without them even knowing?"
What the hell was Jacob going to say now?Look, I really need to talk to you. I've thought it over and I need to tell you this. It's important. Jacob...I'm-.
!" Jacob growled, just wanting to tell the vampire to shut the fuck up
so he could think!
Unfortunately, Jacob had once again spoken out loud.
Eric looked up at him with wide eyes. "Edward? You mean the person you're with is a guy
"Uh." Jacob cleared his throat, looking down at his shoes, trying to stall.
"Wait a moment." Eric blinked. "As in Edward Cullen
Dear mother of god.Did you even hear what I just said?
Jacob saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and realized that Edward was stalking towards him.
Just great.I just told you probably the most important thing I'll ever tell you and you didn't even pay atten-!
"Yes!" Jacob felt hysteric as he grabbed the approaching vampire by the wrist and pulled him towards him, startling Edward into just looking at him in shock...which was basically what Eric was doing as well. "Edward and I are...a couple." Boyfriends just sounded way too weird. "We're, uh, being discreet about it since...well...we just want to be discreet." He turned to Edward. "Don't we?"
Edward looked at him as if he wanted to smack the shit out of him, but then he just shook his head as if saying 'why do I put up with you?' and turned to Eric with a small smile. "Yeah, discreet."
"Wow." Eric blinked, looking between them in awe. "I can't believe it. I mean. Wow."
"Yeah." Jacob nodded mechanically. "Wow."
"How did you two get together?" Eric whispered, coming a little closer.
"It wasn't easy, let me tell you." Edward replied. "He wouldn't admit that he liked me, was hardheadedly in denial."
"Looks the type." Eric had to admit, looking eager though to hear more. "How did you change his mind?"
"He stalked me." Jacob replied, smirking at the glare Edward sent him. "In the end I just gave in because it was either go out with him or file a restraining order."
Eric looked creepily awed by Edward.
"That wasn't stalking." Edward glared at Jacob. "I wooed
"You annoyed me." Jacob countered. "You still do."
"And yet you're the one who out of the blue declared that we were a couple." Edward smirked smugly before turning to Eric. "Honestly, he didn't even give me time to adjust or anything when he said it. He just flat out declared that were were together and that was that."
"That's kinda romantic...in a caveman sorta way." Eric sighed with a smile.
"Caveman." Edward's lips twitched. "That describes him really well, actually."
Jacob glared at Edward.
He could tell right then and there that this was going to be a rocky fake relationship.