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Draco Malfoy And The Snarky Pen Pal 2/3 
13th-Jan-2011 02:34 pm

Title: Draco Malfoy And The Snarky Pen Pal
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Chloe Sullivan
Fandoms: Harry Potter/Smallville
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: When Draco is forced to go to Muggle Studies, and have a muggle as his pen pal, he wasn't ready for the american who could insult and make him reluctantly amused at the same time. Chloe Ann Sullivan doesn't know her place, but for some utterly messed up reason, that's the fun part.
A/N1: Set Smallville Season One, and AU Harry Potter Timeline after The Goblet Of Fire.

The letters continued being shot like lightning between them, the owl positively hating Draco, but the Pureblood found that as the weeks turned into months, he really didn't care. He found himself actually anxiously waiting for the owl to bring back the snarky, insulting communication, and once he had her response in his hands all he wanted to do was read and respond, even if he was in class or eating in the Great Hall.

He knew that the other Slytherins would have noticed his odd behavior if they weren't entranced by this weird situation themselves.

He doubted any of the others had someone like Chloe though.

The girl was batty and didn't know her place and was probably the only one who could insult him and yet make him burst out into sharp laughter whenever he read what she'd written.

For a muggle...she was...well, she wasn't what he would have expected.

At all.

Lying on his bed, the curtains closed around him, Draco went over some of the more recent correspondence between them.

Attn: You Annoying Girl

Will you stop complaining? It was only a sprain! And if anything you needed the time off of your feet.

You were making ME dizzy, much less everyone else who has to put up with you in person.

Stop being such a daft female and listen to that stupid friend of yours. He actually made a valid point when he said it was all your fault for not leaving everything bloody alone.

And you have no business sticking your nose in that castle.

And I think you only find it 'breathtaking' because with your plebeian upbringing you haven't been in the presence of true grandeur.

Now, Malfoy Manor?

THIS is something you would hold your breath at when you saw.

Draco Malfoy, FUTURE LORD

Attn: You Annoying Boy

Only a sprain? ONLY a sprain? I was unconscious for a DAY you no-good-neanderthal! Have some compassion! That was a REALLY high window I got pushed out of!

I'll have you know that Mister Luthor was a gentleman, and he offered to finish the interview later on when these facists decide that I'm 'well enough' to leave the hospital. Mister Luthor also sent me this ring of flowers. I like them. They make me feel as if I just won the Kentucky Derby! :)

Clark is NOT stupid. YOU are stupid. :P

And I bet you anything your Manor has nothing on Luthor Castle. Well, it's called Luthor Manor, but its definitely a castle. Their ancestors brought back the bricks from the original castle in scotland and had it reassembled here. How utterly amazing is that?

Of course, I know already that you won't find it cool because you're too full of yourself.


Attn: Future Criminal

I'm disregarding everything you said in your previous letter because, obviously, you're still suffering from a concussion.

And mind you, I'm in a bad mood right now so you're being privileged by my not taking it out on you.

Then again, you'd just run your mouth off and annoy me further, so I have to admit, I probably am treating you nicely for my own peace of mind. Or whatever's left of it.

Stay in your bloody hospital until the incompetent doctors let you go.

Draco Malfoy, Annoyed and Frustrated

Attn: Annoyed and Frustrated

Don't take this to mean I actually give a crap about you or your well-being...but are you okay?

What happened?

You rant and complain about everything to me already, so I don't see you venting to me being anything all that far of a stretch.

If you had ever tasted hospital food before, you'd understand my delirious need to escape.

Chloe Sullivan, Soon To Be A Mental Patient If She Doesn't Escape This Prison

Attn: Miss Bonkers

I always had the sneaking suspicion that you were clinically insane.

It was the only explanation I could come up with your attitude towards me.

How much longer do you have in there anyway?

And not that I have to tell you anything, but I had another game against Potter's team and we lost. Again. My father will not be happy with me. I hate Potter, more than I hate everything and everyone. He believes he's such a perfect god and everyone else seems to think the same thing. They worship him, want to be next to him, his best friend.

It sickens me.

He isn't as perfect as everyone believes.

And no. I am not jealous of him. So don't even suggest it.

Draco Malfoy, Superior To Potter In Every Way Imaginable

Attn: Annoyed And NOT Jealous

You do not understand how much it pains me to say this, to actually put this to pen and paper, which can be later used as evidence in a court of law should I ever try to deny having admitted to this...but I understand you.

There. I've said it.

But, to be honest, I have my OWN 'Harry Potter'.

Her name is Lana Lang, and if you want to know the ironic part-her mother's maiden name was Potter. I think I'll call her Lana 'Potter' now so we can bitch about our 'Potter Problems' together.

Well, Lana is apparently the most beautiful, talented, and desired person in all Smallville. She doesn't even try. Still everyone wants to either be her, be with her, or be her best friend. It annoys me. And I'm not too proud to admit that I am jealous of my Potter. I try really hard, you know, to be noticed, and it really doesn't pay off. I'm just the blonde with the flippy hairstyle and snarky attitude who runs the Torch. Most people can't even remember my name unless they're complaining about something I've written.

But everyone knows hers.

And you'll probably taunt me about showing this insecurity of mine to you, but I don't care, because you're the only one I can be honest about my feelings to. Everyone else worships her, even Clark, so I have to usually keep back most of what I truly feel.

I don't have to do that with you though.

It's...it's kinda nice.

Chloe Sullivan, Resident Of Smallville Clinic...Unfortunately

Draco remembered that something about this letter in particular had made him feel...odd.

She was confiding in him things she'd never even told her best friend.

No one confided in Draco Malfoy.

Confiding meant trusting, and no one in Slytherin trusted each other.

But here this muggle was confiding in him her innermost insecurities...and instead of wanting to scorn and ridicule her...it made Draco feel...happy.

He remembered being very confused as to why this was, as he'd penned his response.

Attn: Unfortunate Resident

Is her mother's maiden name truly Potter? Her parents wouldn't have died in a depressingly tragic way that keeps getting mentioned every week does it? Because if so, then I believe MY Potter is cross-dressing and spending time as YOUR Potter. It would also confirm my suspicion that he milks this "poor little orphan" story for all its worth.

My professor (the one who forced me into having to put up with you) is apparently flabbergasted as to the fact that apparently we have exchanged more correspondence than anyone else in the class. I do not see why said professor should be so surprised that you find it impossible to live a day without hearing from me. I am, as you already know yet are too stubborn to admit, quite the prize. And I'm sure that by now you know how lucky you are to have had your name be drawn by my imperial self.

How much longer are you going to be in that dratted clinic? It is starting to annoy even I. Was your injury worse than you led me to believe?

Draco Malfoy, Lord & Master Of All Things Pen-Pal Related

Attn: Oh Conceited One

Is someone else in your class writing to Lana? Is that how you know so much about her and are using it to pull my leg? Because if not, then it's utterly freaky. Yes, she's all that you stated. Her parents died in a freak meteor shower when she was a little kid, and she was there when it happened. I've heard some poeticize (badly) that her green eyes are green like the meteors that took her parents lives-and her hair dark like the hole left in her due to her parents being ripped from her life.

MY professor has now informed me that the class has reached the point where pictures are going to be exchanged, so we can see who it is that we've been corresponding with all the while. We'll be taking the pictures in the next class, and they'll be sent with our next letters. Has your professor mentioned anything similar to your class? It seems unfair that I have to put myself out there and you don't.

I actually should have been released yesterday, but...I had an incident. It's stupid. I think I'm just reacting to medication or something. All I know is that I've been having really bad nightmares lately, mostly involving this monster (stop sniggering you ape). Apparently I had the worst episode last night and in my sleep I went insane, (the doctors called it 'Night Terror'), and a couple of the doctors and orderlies had to restrain me to the bed.

So I'm off most of my medication and they're waiting to see if I calm down tonight, and if so I should be released tomorrow.

I have to go, Clark's here to see me.

Chloe Sullivan, Finally Off The Meds

The next day in Muggle Studies Professor Burbage had indeed mentioned picture taking. Except, they would be getting them taken by a muggle machine that took pictures...that stood still. Draco found it terribly wrong, and yet morbidly fascinating at the same time. To think that all of the muggle pictures were always frozen into looking the same way forever.

It just went to show how inferior muggles were.

Still, he couldn't help but wonder...

What would Chloe think if she saw a wizarding picture?

What would she think of the pictures talking and moving and sometimes leaving their pictures to go and spend time with others in other pictures?

And yet he'd never know the answers to those questions because Chloe couldn't know about the Wizarding World.

So Draco had just stood reluctantly, gotten his picture taken, and when the film was developed he'd been able to look at it before he sent it off with his next letter.

It was abnormal, and wrong, to see his image frozen like that.

Yet he looked perfect, as always.

Even while frozen.

Attn: Nighttime Menace

Are you serious? YOUR Potter has green eyes and dark hair? So does MINE! I'm starting to seriously suspect that Potter is a cross-dresser. I must look into this more closely now.

Here. Feast your eyes on the one you've been blessed to communicate with all this time. Our professor made us take our pictures and send to your class, and I know that you must be speechless.

Probably didn't realize I was quite this handsome.

You're probably half in love with me by now.

Don't worry, it's to be expected.

Almost all the girls in the school are enamored with me.

My family, wealth and handsome looks are a hard combination to withstand.

Draco Malfoy, Handome, Wealthy, Desirable...Even While Frozen

Draco didn't understand why he was so anxious for Chloe's response to arrive. It had taken longer for her to write back this time than usual, and he found himself idiotically wondering if she hadn't found him visually pleasing and was reconsidering still writing to him. A couple of the Slytherins in were in that predicament, not pleased with how their pen pals looked in their pictures compared to the image they'd created of them in their heads. The next days were tedious and Draco had to admit that his mood had darkened.

He was pissed and annoyed easier and he provoked fights with Potter just because Potter's worldwide were apparently annoying and needed their arses handed to them.

More than once, while in the Commons or walking through the halls, or eating in the Great Hall, Draco had heard the sound of owl wings fluttering and had looked up, expecting to see the owl who always delivered his correspondence, but it was always for someone else.

The days turned to weeks.

He'd gone to bed, snarling and kicking at a couple of students before retiring to his room, and Draco had nearly been asleep when he'd heard claws against glass.

The blonde refused to admit to jolting up into bed and using Lumos to light up the room and reveal the owl awaiting him outside the window.

Draco had hurried to the window and opened it, barely letting the owl fly in before yanking the letter the bird held.

Shoving a cookie blindly in the owl's direction, Draco went to the bed and sat down, opening the letter.

A picture floated to his lap but he didn't pay it any mind, wanting to hear what sort of bloody excuse that unappreciative muggle had for making him wait this long for a response.

Attn: Mister Vain Glory

Please tell me that you were making a joke throughout the WHOLE of the last letter?

Anyway, sorry for not writing sooner, but life has been hectic here. You mightn't believe it...but I almost died again. Twice.

A guy who I'd been friends with, Justin Gaines, tried to kill me after I realized that he was the one who killed our Principal...and then after that, while I was trying to recover from the shock...I was kidnapped by Deputy Gary Watts. I was held captive while blindfolded, and then I was buried alive. Apparently he'd wanted to 'find me' and be the hero. It didn't work because...well...it just didn't work how he planned, and I'm fine now. But I'm scared of closed in spaces now. And of guys. Kinda. Justin was my friend and Gary Watts was a DEPUTY...he was supposed to keep us SAFE...

Can you trust ANYONE nowadays?


The doctors say I have some sort of angel watching out for me.

I dropped from so high...they say I should have died from that, but I didn't.

I was hit in the head with a chainsaw...and they said that the force of the blow should have cracked open my head and killed me, but it didn't.

I was then oxygen deprived, and even passed out from it. I should have died, and yet I didn't.

I don't know if it's because of these incidents, but my nightmares have gotten worse.

Anyway, here's the picture I owe you. It's a good thing the picture was taken before the Justin-incident, because I'm kinda bruised and I have this terrible bandage on my forehead and...well...yeah.

I'm going to try and get some rest now.

Chloe Sullivan...Is Too Tired To Write Anything Witty Here

As Draco finally reached for the picture and turned it over so he could get his first glance of what Chloe Sullivan looked like, the Slytherin didn't know what shocked him more.

The fact that he was actually worried about her and outraged that multiple lowlives had tried to hurt the muggle...

...Or that the blonde girl with green eyes smiling softly at him in the picture was the prettiest person he'd ever seen.
13th-Jan-2011 07:51 pm (UTC) - So Cute!
Here I was, going to review, and whoa!, you have another chapter up and running! So...Got to say, love these two, and their letters,(Snark your heart out!). You always seem to pair the unthinkable, and make it work. Thank you for making my day.
13th-Jan-2011 08:11 pm (UTC) - Re: So Cute!
Thanks! I have to admit though, the more unlikely a couple---the more I'm attracted to pairing them together!!!!!
13th-Jan-2011 08:02 pm (UTC)
The letters are perfect--sometimes poignant, sometimes scary but always hilarious, especially Malfoy's.

What is up with Chloe's nightmares? Are they tied to Malfoy somehow? And is he her guardian angel?

And until you pointed it out, I never saw the similarities between Lana and Harry before--it's kind of eerie.

Keep up the great work on this :)
13th-Jan-2011 08:13 pm (UTC)
The Lana part just started with their being 'perfect' and 'loved' by everyone and having the surname 'Potter'...but then I kept finding more and more similarities and started getting freaked myself LOL
13th-Jan-2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
I really liked this one, how they are becoming friends through the letters. The last part had me smirking though. I don't think Lucius would be all that happy though.
13th-Jan-2011 09:57 pm (UTC)
Lucius shall appear in the next/last chapter :)
13th-Jan-2011 10:08 pm (UTC)
That should be iiiinterstiiiiing *uses fake german accent*.
13th-Jan-2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
ahhh.....*to happy to say anything else*
13th-Jan-2011 09:57 pm (UTC)
Now I feel happy hearing that!!!
13th-Jan-2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
This story needs to run forever. Seriously. I wouldn't mind at all if it did. Alas, there is just one more part, but I think there is soooooo much you could do with this story and this pairing, from Draco telling chloe he's muggle (and Chloe telling Draco aboput Smallville) to them writing to eachother with these new feelings they have for eachother, to them eventually meeting... Gah, like I said, this could go forever and I wouldnt' mind, and as someone who reads femslash like I'm drinking water in the desert, that is saying somehting!!

13th-Jan-2011 10:15 pm (UTC)
There will be a sequel to this, which will take the story into a more Harry Potter direction...and more serious as well. And there will be a Draco/Chloe meeting :)
I'm so happy to hear that! I feel so proud!
14th-Jan-2011 02:18 am (UTC)
I think I just died a little bit. Seriously?! You have a sequel in mind! well, I am a lot happier now, and I feel a lot better about letting the fic end now, lol. I can't wait for the next parts and I hope it does inspire more, as there is so much that can be done with these two and their worlds.

14th-Jan-2011 05:16 am (UTC)
AWE! THis is great, and really cheered me up today. ♥ I've been wanting to read a Chloe/Draco story for a long time!
14th-Jan-2011 05:36 am (UTC)
Glad this was able to give you a little smile today :)
14th-Jan-2011 08:02 am (UTC)
These two seriously have me rolling. The snark between them is AWESOME! :) this story makes me happy...I'm a huge Draco fan and I love seeing him paired with characters from different fandoms. This is seriously amazingly awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter. Did I hear something about a sequel? :D I would be very excited for that! lol
14th-Jan-2011 08:29 am (UTC)
Yes, you heard correctly! A sequel is planned :)
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