Sequel to: Toxic
Universe: Toxic Girl Series
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: Chloe has been back in Lawrence for two months but is having a very hard time readjusting to normal life and the Winchesters. She's even having a hard time reconnecting with Lois and Lana. It doesn't help that another phase of her mutation is about to start, and she's entirely unprepared for it. Sam's far from ready as well. And then there's the fact that someone from Chloe's past whom she thought was dead...really isn't.
She couldn't sleep in the room that had once been her own little sanctuary. She'd tried, tossing and turning restlessly for hours before finally the itching and nervous stomach had gotten too much to bare. A trip to the bathroom and a long, cold shower helped cool her down and also keep the itching at bay, but by the time she returned to the bedroom she was shaking her leg in bed in unease. It was as if the room was claustrophobic, making her heart pound, her breathing harder.
In the end the blonde opened her window and climbed up onto the roof like she used to as a child, taking in deep breaths of the night air until the panic attack finally passed. She'd scratched herself raw by then though, and wondered if she had any long sleeved shirts that would hide the damage she'd done her arms.
Her gaze went over the darkened neighborhood, letting herself reminisce on the time when she lived here. She'd come up here to get away from everything and just think. It was a calming thing then and it was still now.
And she had more to think of.
She knew enough about her body's chemical reactions to know that Adam was found a suitable breeding partner. He was not only aesthetically pleasing, but the fact that he already knew what to do-had been trained to know just like Lucas and whoever Lois' breeding partner had been-well, it made her feel safer. The blonde had wanted desperately to get rid of her virginity on her own term for two years, but that didn't mean that the thought wasn't somewhat scary.
Sure, she understood the whole physiology to it. The tearing of the hymen will be painful and will cause bleeding, there was no way around that...and she understood everything else as well, had studied it extensively...but, well, she'd lived in fear of it under Lionel. And that fear was hard to surpass mentally despite knowing that the threat was no longer there. She'd gone so long thinking of any sexual liaison being something to fear because she'd known he'd be a part of it. But now he was gone, and maybe she'd thrown herself at both Lex and Sam a little too strongly...but they'd been the only ones she trusted to guide her through this psychologically uneasy event.
Tess had talked to her about losing her virginity, assured her that her fears were 'normal'. She'd admitted that the first time hurt and the next times after that were usually still slightly uncomfortable but that in time it got "great". Chloe had spied on Tess and Dean enough to be able to confirm that Tess seemed to be having a wonderful time and in no way was feeling any sort of pain and discomfort.
So that truly was comforting.
And hearing Lois recount her first Frenzy had been educational and that helped because if there was something Chloe was good at it was learning. It also gave her a sense of control back, knowing that she wouldn't just be blindly thrust into the situation. Now having a vague idea of what would be happening, what she'd be feeling, and how to deal with it. That little sense of control over something so important-it made a world of a difference.
"How you doing?"
She was growing increasingly annoyed that tonight alone three people in this household had snuck up on her. "Couldn't sleep."
"Ready for that talk now?" He sat down next to her, gazing ahead of him at the sleeping neighborhood.
Chloe took in a deep breath, unable to look at him. "Are you?"
He chuckled slightly, shaking his head as his gaze lowered to his shoes. "So, I mightn't have handled the news so well. But-I didn't want you to see how pissed off I was when I heard what they'd done to you." He took in a deep breath. "Just when I think we might be making progress I find out about something else Lionel's done to screw with you and when that happens I-I feel violent. And I don't want you seeing that part of me."
Chloe looked up at him in shock.
Violence really wasn't something she equated with Sam.
Gentleness on the other hand?
She'd always seen him as the gentle, patient, caring kind...
...so this admission of his shocked her.
"I wanted you to have as much of a normal teenage-hood as possible while you were here, but apparently I'm doing more harm to you than good." A strong emotion crossed his features. "It kills me that I don't know how to help you!"
"Sam?" Chloe turned further to him, eyes narrowed. "What's wrong? This has more to do than our conversation. What is it? What happened?"
"When I went to pick you up tonight, I talked a little to some guy who claims that he and you were supposed to...you know."
Chloe flinched. "Lucas talked to you?"
"Lucas." Sam frowned at the name, running a hand through his hair. "He told me to back off, that I'm hurting you."
"Lucas needs to mind his own business." The blonde glared, not appreciating his interference at all even if he thought he was helping her. "Don't listen to him, okay? He had no right to talk to you. Nor to tell you those things. I'll deal with him."
"Was he right?" Sam's voice was odd as his gaze remained on his shoes. "Am I just making things worse for you?"
"No." Chloe reached out and would have rested it on his shoulder if she hadn't remembered how he avoided touching her, the blonde inching away and hugging herself. "Sam, when I was with grand-Lionel-when I was with him and going through the worst of it, I used to think of you. You know, I imagined you in Stanford, wowing everyone with just how smart you were for a normal person...about you studying in the library...doing all the normal things that made you happy. These fantasies helped me get through a lot of things that I wouldn't have been able to if I'd never met you."
Sam slowly, finally, raised his gaze from his shoes and rested it on her.
"It's one of the reasons why I was so pissed off when I found you in that piece of shit garage in the middle of nowhere." Chloe admitted, shaking her head. "You have so much potential, Sam, and to know that you threw that all away...I felt betrayed."
"I couldn't stay there and pretend nothing was happening, that you weren't in danger. I couldn't just continue on as if nothing had happened. You were gone, you were in danger, and I'd promised to protect you always." He looked away. "There was only one option for me. I went looking for you."
"You knew you couldn't find me." She whispered, unfolding her arms from her chest and resting them palms down on each side of her, gazing up at the skies.
"But I did." He whispered back, reaching out and placing his hand over hers.
The fact that he touched her voluntarily caused a ball of emotion to wedge in her throat, her eyes closing as their fingers threaded together.
"I found you." Chloe's voice was hoarse, yet tinged with amusement.
Sam tightened his hold on hers. "We found each other."
She laughed softly, shaking her head as she turned her gaze towards him. "Okay, we'll leave it at a tie then."
"I can live with that." Sam smiled, rubbing his thumb over the skin of her hand. "I love you, you know."
Her heart skipped a beat every time he'd say that, even when she'd been a child those words from his lips gave her tachycardia. "I know. And I love you too."
There was a pause, and then he took in a deep breath. "I want to be the one to help you...before the Frenzy...and during it."
She froze, pulling her hand from his as she turned to fully look at him in shock. "What?"
Sam steeled himself. "I want to help you."
"Up until two minutes ago you flinched away from any touch I gave you and now all of a sudden you want to not only take my virginity but be my mating partner?" Chloe snapped at him, eyes narrowed. "I will not be a thing to be pitied Sam Winchester!"
"Pity?" Sam asked, making up his face.
"I know you think you're helping me, that you think this is yet another way to try and help poor, broken me, but no. I will not let my first time be a pity fuck." She was humming with anger and hurt as she snarled at him. "I already have things arranged. Adam was supposed to be Lana's breeding partner and so he'll be the perfect person for me to go through this with. You don't have to be the good big brother who has to protect and save me from this because Adam is more than willing to-."
Somehow, she now found herself breathless, back against the roof, Sam straddling her body and pinning her down.
Her heart raced and her chest heaved as she stared up at his shadow-covered face, the darkness hiding his eyes and expression from her yet she could retrieve all she needed from the tension in his body.
It fascinated the blonde that although he was pinning her down, Sam's hold on her wasn't restraining and painful, yet was slack and gave her ample room to pull free should she want to.
"You know, for someone who is supposedly a genius, you can be incredibly naive at times." Sam whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. "Chloe, I don't let you touch me because I'm slowly losing control around you." He gave a growl of self-disgust. "You trust me, you depend on me, and yet there are times when I just-there are times when you should be protected from me. Not by me."
She didn't understand exactly what he meant.
Did she somehow incite a negative and violent reaction in him?
And then...and then she felt what he meant...and her eyes widened as she realized he was completely right.
She was naive!
How hadn't she figured it out before?
"The reason you haven't touched me isn't because you're scared of my 'Jedi Mind Trick'." Chloe whispered in awe, biting her bottom lip, feeling like crying in utter relief as those fears were dashed before her.
"Of course not." Sam whispered, voice hoarse. "Is that what you've been thinking?"
She nodded wordlessly, closing her eyes tightly as silent tears of relief made their way down the sides of her face.
Sam's lips brushed against her forehead before slowly making their way down her face as he lowered himself over her, resting most of his weight on his elbows.
That tachycardia returned tenfold.
Chloe trembled as she grabbed the front of his shirt, closing her eyes and arching into him, tilting her head to grant him access to her neck.
"Let me?" Sam whispered against her neck. "Not now...but soon?"
Chloe nodded wordlessly, unable to speak, a fever seeming to have taken over her body.
And then Sam was kissing her, deep.
Chloe pulled him in closer and for the first time that she could remember, her mind went blank.