Title: Multiple Universes Hypothesis
Characters: Chloe, Lois, Sheldon, Leonard, Penny, Raj, Howard & Others
Fandoms: Smallville/Big Bang Theory
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: While at first Sheldon dismisses the new neighbors, he quickly begins to wonder if they aren't spies sent to spy on his research, which is quite flattering. Chloe and Lois on the other hand are only trying to blend in...and protect the universe, of course.
The next day was spent going from one store to the other, buying all the things they'd need to make the apartment a home. Shopping was therapeutic, and they might have bought a little more than was necessary but they enjoyed the time and that was what mattered. Lois bought a couple of game consoles and controllers and games in general, reminding Chloe of the many nights she'd spend the graveyard shift with Chloe in the basement of the Daily Planet while Chloe had been interning there. The two girls had passed the time playing video games, and apparently that was the brunette's idea once more. Lois' natural talent with video games made her a challenge to beat, and while Chloe herself wasn't much of a gamer she thrived on a good challenge.
They'd shopped all day, making several trips to the car and back, and now that the sun had set they were coming back from yet another trip, walking down the streets.
"Hey, look! It's a comic book store." Lois grinned, pointing towards the store. "I wonder what sort of comics they have here. Do you think they have Warrior Angel?"
For a beautiful, sexy, popular sorta girl, Lois could be somewhat of a geek.
"Why don't we put these bags in the car and then go check it out?" Chloe motioned towards there their car was parked, and froze when she noticed the group of six thugs surrounding it, obviously trying to break in.
Her eyes widened and she turned to Lois, finding the black mask already covering her face...the mask Lois had sworn she'd put away.
"HEY!" Lois yelled, shoving the bags in her hands into Chloe's before hurrying towards the car. "Get the hell away from there!"
The men turned towards Lois in time for her to punch the closest thug.
"Shit." Dropping the bags, Chloe reached into her bag. Pulling out her own mask (which she had sworn she'd put away) and sliding it, on the blonde hurried forth as the gang, armed with crowbars, attacked Lois.
"You are never going to believe this!" Someone yelled as they entered the comic book store. "Two hot, masked chicks are beating the shit out of some thugs!"
Howard grabbed his phone and raced outside, just like the others.
Sheldon didn't look up from his comic book, unable to understand the barbaric things the Homo Sapiens around him found fascinating. Violence for one. And violence which featured violent women also captivated them. They were a brutal, savage, lower species, and it was times like these in which he mourned the fact that he was a human living amongst apes.
It made him want to find another Homo Novus out there, someone who could understand his disgust with hominids.
"Come on Sheldon! We have to see this!" Raj declared, absolutely giddy as he hurried after Wolowitz.
"Aren't you coming?" Leonard asked in surprise when he realized that Sheldon wasn't following.
"And why should I?" Sheldon questioned, feeling quite disappointed because while Leonard was most definitely inferior to him the tiny little man usually rose slightly above his peers, and yet right now he was in that pit of vile putridness.
"Come on Sheldon. Live a little." Leonard made up his face, scrunching his nose.
"I'll have you know I live a lot." Sheldon gasped, horrified that his living was being questioned. "Just the other day while I was in my office-."
Leonard rolled his eyes and left him in mid-sentence.
Pouting, Sheldon followed after Leonard, still clutching the comic in his hand.
Dodging the blow towards her, Lois twirled around and elbowed the thug in his face, using his moment of pain to yank the crowbar out of his hold and swing it into his gut. Another swing to his back and then his knees had the much larger man on the ground crying, and she turned in time to dodge another blow, the crowbar intended for her hitting the man she'd downed right on the back of his bald head. She slammed her crowbar into the man's face and yanked his one free, twirling both in her hands before assuming an offensive position, striking down the man who'd been clutching his face and screaming.
Unlike Lois, Chloe hadn't grown up fighting and wasn't as natural with it as her cousin, yet she managed to hold up her own as she kicked the man's feet from under him, sending him falling to the ground. She was grabbed from behind, her hands pinned to her sides, an ugly laugh behind her. The blonde slammed her foot down on his, and when he bent over she slammed her head back into his face. With a jerk she got free and threw him over her shoulder onto the one she'd downed and had been in the process of standing.
Seeing the man charging Chloe Lois threw one of her crowbars at him, the sharp edge catching him in the face, cutting him up. She didn't have time to see whether it'd downed him though before someone grabbed her leg and yanked her down, the unexpected fall causing her to let go of the remaining crowbar in her hand. Her breath escaped her body as she hit the ground but Lois didn't let this disorient her, instead yelling as she slammed her foot into her attacker's face repeatedly. Someone grabbed her arms and pinned her down.
Tightening her grip on the crowbar, Chloe brought it down hard against one of the hands holding Lois down, ignoring the sound of bone breaking. She then twirled and swung, catching the man's neck at an awkward angle and sending him flying off of her cousin.
Lois kicked the last man hard in the face, knocking him out.
Chloe looked around her at the huge, fallen men, before going to pick up all of the crowbars they'd touched, refusing to leave any fingerprints. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her keys, opening the car door and flinging the weapons in the backseat. The blonde turned towards her discarded bags before pausing when she realized that they'd attracted quite a small crowd of onlookers. All of them were males in their twenties/thirties, many of them with their eyes and mouths open wide in shock...a couple of them filming this with their phone cameras.
Lois walked passed her, grabbing her bags without even acknowledging the gawking men.
Chloe took a page out of her cousin's book and picked up the rest of her bags, realizing she was going to have to get a new car and new fake vehicle license plates.
It was only as she was turning to leave that she stopped, recognizing Dr. Cooper, Leonard and Wolowitz standing there watching.
After another second she noticed their cute, silent indian friend there as well.
Hurrying to the car, she got in and Lois drove away.
"So many of my fantasies have just come true!" Wolowitz declared as the four men circled the computer, eyeing the video he'd uploaded onto youtube of the "Two Super Babes" as he'd titled the video. "Two hot honnies beating the crap out of some huge muscular men! This was awesome! Just like in the movies! Or the comics!"
"Dude, it was hot." Raj agreed, unable to look away. "I mean, look at the dark haired one. She's so natural."
"The blonde isn't doing so bad either considering she's so petite." Leonard was obviously rooting for the little people, being one himself.
Sheldon folded his arms over his chest, frowning in concentration on the screen as Howard put the video to replay once more. There was just something about those two girls that were familiar somehow, and he'd noticed the way the blonde had frozen when she'd seen him. The way her body had reacted, pupils dilating, body tensing...it was as if she'd recognized them and was worried to see them. And if that was true that meant they might know these girls...and considering they had a very small group of females whom they knew…everything pointed to the new girls since the blonde was definitely not Penny, and the brunette was definitely not Leslie Winkle.
That made things more intriguing.
There was the girls' sudden and mysterious appearance on scene, the blonde's intelligence, the brunette's obvious martial arts training...it made Sheldon realize that they were most probably spies sent to keep an eye on him. Obviously the leaders of some other country or organization had realized his brilliance and potential more than his own country and Caltech did. It was perversely flattering that they'd send two operatives to shadow him. He felt like he was the protagonist in a superhero comic.
"Hey, look, some others at the comic store posted their videos." Leonard motioned to Wolowitz to click on one of them, the video uploading.
He had to admit that a part of him was disappointed that he was, once again, proved to be the only Homo Novus.
"Wow! She totally looked at Sheldon!" Raj exclaimed, apparently this video showing after the fight was over.
"Lucky dog. I'd have eye-screwed her so bad!" Wolowitz shivered at the thought.
Sheldon frowned at Wolowitz deciding he would never truly understand him, or the Homo Sapien race in general.
What was sexual arousing about the thought of copulating with another's eye socket?
The more Sheldon imagined it the more traumatized he felt.
Hearing feminine laughter outside, Howard jumped from his seat, straightened his clothes and hurried to the door, plastering a lecherous smile on his face as he opened it revealing Penny and the blonde. They'd obviously been doing the human bonding rituals and information exchange and now that Sheldon thought of it it made perfect sense. What better way to acquire information about him and his research than to get the information from his circle of friends? If they were desperate enough all they'd have to do was flash their female anatomy and Wolowitz would most definitely spill the beans on everything.
Not that Sheldon really believed Wolowitz truly had an understanding of his work.
The man only had a Masters for crying out loud!
"Hey guys!" Penny grinned, pulling a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "I invited Chloe and Lois over for Chinese and vintage games, I hope that's alright."
"Alright?" Sheldon squeaked, realizing that these spies were very good at what they were doing! Already they were successfully infiltrating his inner circle!
"Of course it's alright!" Wolowitz struck a pose, leaning against the wall next to the blonde. "Yǒu yuán qiānlǐ lái xiānghuì."
"We have the destiny to meet across a thousand miles?" The blonde raised an eyebrow.
"You speak Mandarin?" Wolowitz asked in surprised.
"Enough to know what that meant." She hedged.
"What about Russian?" Wolowitz raised an eyebrow. "Я достану тебе звезды с небес."
"Oh, wow, never heard that one before." She chuckled. "Nice though. Does offering to bring the stars from the sky really work?"
Oh dear god.
It was now very obvious what she was!
Standing before him was a communist spy!
And now that he thought about it...
Sheldon turned his suspicious gaze on Wolowitz.
...just how much did he know about his acquaintance?
This could have been going on for years without his knowledge!
"Dr. Cooper," if she was a russian spy, her american accent was impeccable. "I came here to discuss the contract. Have you managed to give it a look?"
Sheldon cleared his throat, everyone's gaze turning to him. "I have and it isn't unacceptable."
She flashed him a grin and came forwards. "So, you don't find that it needs more amending?"
He pursed his lips, not liking to admit that her contract hadn't been horrible and was quite tolerable. "I can live with it as it is."
"Good." She stopped within an acceptable distance from him, folding her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow at him. "Lois is busy so I've asked Penny to be one of my witness, and I'm sure one of your friends can be my other witness." Her gaze went to Leonard. "Please?"
"Sure." Leonard squeaked, grinning brightly as he pushed his glasses nervously higher up the bridge of his nose.
Oh, Sheldon had to commend this spy. She'd quickly zeroed in on Leonard's weakness and used it against him.
Or had her bosses already known about the resident hobbit's weakness for pretty blondes?
Had she been sent on this mission for that specific reason?
If she made any measly bit of effort she'd easily manage to get close to Leonard-and if so she'd have the run of the apartment!
Sheldon's eyes widened at the implications.
He was going to have to do all in his power to make sure that Leonard and the blonde spy did not have any sort of intimate relations…especially not coitus!
Should she engage Leonard in copulation she'd have all the power in the world over Sheldon's roommate!
And that meant the world was in grave danger should Leonard…in colloquial terms…'score'.
The genius' eyes narrowed as he readied himself for battle.
Leonard and his rampant libido were going down!
Sheldon kept his gameface on as the signing of the Good Neighbor Contract occurred, never once taking his eyes off of the wily blonde. She surprised him though, by not even taking a peek towards where his work was so openly displayed and he had to give her credit for staying in character so spectacularly. Obviously her plan was to feign disinterest until she had poor, lust-crazed Leonard wrapped around her pinky. Then she'd attack like a viper, or a cobra, or some other sort of attacking reptilian.
With each copy of the contract signed Sheldon hugged his protectively to his chest while eyeing the spy shrewdly.
"Do you have something in your eyes, Dr. Cooper?" The (possibly russian) spy declared as she turned her attention to him.
His eyes widened, shocked that she could see through his impeccably innocent mask to his suspicions. "Excuse me?"
"Never mind." The blonde shook her head before turning to the others. "To celebrate you'll have to come over for dinner sometime."
"And desert?" Wolowitz gave her a dirty little smile.
Leonard shook his head. "Please don't pay any attention to him."
"None of us do." Penny assured Chloe with an amiable smile. "We'd love to come to dinner sometime. Just give us a time and date and-."
"Excuse me." Sheldon squeaked, unable to believe what he was hearing.
Leonard sighed, head lowering. "Oh boy."
"What is it, Sheldon?" Penny pursed her lips.
"I can't just eat at her place!" Not only could she very well be a spy, but Sheldon didn't eat just anything! "I have specified guidelines and rules as to what I can eat and how it must be prepared and my food cannot be handled by someone else's hands unless there are gloves involved and-."
"Whoa." Chloe gave a little laugh, shaking her head. "Do you have a manual or something on your eating requirements?"
"Please don't ask!" Leonard groaned.
"As a matter of fact I do." Sheldon had to admit that this was the first time someone had had the common sense to ask him that question. "It's right in my bedroom."
"Next to his rules on how to thoroughly alienate people." Wolowitz mumbled.
"Don't be ridiculous Howard." Sheldon snorted. "I have no such manual."
"It's just innate talent then, huh?" The annoying man declared.
Sheldon narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to refute that.
"Can I have a copy of the manual? The, uh, food one." Chloe stepped in before Sheldon could give Wolowitz a firm talking to. "I can say I tend not to handle the food with my hands unless absolutely necessary, and I'm more than willing to use gloves if it will make you feel better."
Sheldon froze and turned to look at her, shocked.
This was the first time that someone hadn't complained about him being 'difficult' (which, truthfully, couldn't be farther from the truth) and had been so…amenable.
Obviously her country or boss really wanted his work.
Nodding, Sheldon turned and went to his room, admittedly taking longer than necessary to retrieve the manual. He could hear everyone (minus Raj of course) apologizing for Sheldon's behavior, Wolowtiz declaring something that was definitely going to earn him his second strike…and then the newcomer just laughed their words off and said she…understood…Sheldon.
He froze by the door, confused and shocked because she sounded genuine.
Granted, he wasn't the best at reading people (the fact that he had yet to master the art of sarcasm said a lot) but the way the others were reacting to her statement proved that they too seemed to believe her.
The blonde went on to state the percentage of people who'd gotten salmonella and other such food poisonings the previous year due to bad handling of food, and poured out some other figures that he himself knew and was shocked someone else did. She also mentioned on how the kitchen counter probably had more germs than most places in any apartment and that that was why she cleaned it in a special way with deep cleaning (yet harmless to the environment) products.
It was jarring considering that Sheldon had told his friends these very facts and had been reproached for it, yet they seemed interested in it when the blonde spoke about them. If it hadn't been for the fact that Penny had never shown any interest in her own sex Sheldon would have attributed the difference to hopeful potential mates trying to win the favor of an attractive member of the opposite sex. So since that wasn't it Sheldon wondered if it was a difference in presentation.
They would have no doubt taught that in Espionage 101.
"I'm sorry though, about how difficult Sheldon's being." Leonard declared in his whiney, nasal way. The traitor. "People aren't usually so accommodating to his-."
"Idiocies." And that was why Wolowitz was the 'acquaintance'.
"I was going to say 'peculiarities'." Leonard deadpanned.
"Please, you don't have to keep apologizing for him." The spy declared. "Compared to other people I know nothing Dr. Cooper could do could ever be half as strange."
He raised an eyebrow at that, wondering what sort of people attended whatever sort of school spies trained in, before finally returning to the group and handing her the large, printed manual. "Here."
"Whoa." She replied once more, appearing to fall back on that word whenever she wasn't sure what to say. "This is huge." She browsed through the neatly typed pages. "Did you compile all this data and put it together on your own?"
"Yes." He waited for the derisive comment he was used to receiving, though he never understood why he received it considering that he was quite proud of this (and every) creation of his.
"That's…dedicated." She suddenly surprised everyone, Sheldon included, by grinning mischievously. "Challenge accepted!"
Raj leaned into Leonard and whispered something in his ear.
Leonard went red and began to fidget.
Chloe's phone beeped and she checked her messages. "Well, it was nice seeing you all but there's a slight crisis with the cleaning crew."
"Remember to come back down for Chinese and Vintage games!" Penny exclaimed.
"Sure." The new neighbor nodded, and with that she was gone, carrying both her copy of the Good Neighbor Contract and Sheldon's Comprehensive Guide To Sanitary Consumption, 3rd Edition.
"She seems really nice." Penny smiled brightly before turning to Leonard. "You said the comic book store is looking for someone to work there and help Stewart right?"
"Yeah." Leonard nodded. "Why? You thinking about getting another job?"
"Me? No." Penny chuckled. "But Chloe says that Lois wants to get a job in a store."
"Ah!" Wolowitz placed a hand to his heart. "The future Mrs. Wolowitz has a name!"
Raj rolled his eyes.
"You know, if she applies for the job Stewart will give it to her immediately." Leonard declared. "He'd have the only comic book store which has an incredible good looking girl working there. It'd draw in much more customers."
"I don't think a "good looking girl" would influence a true comic book fan." Sheldon declared.
As always, his sage thoughts were ignored.
Shaking his head, realizing how wasted he was on his friends and acquaintance, Sheldon sighed as he went to his computer.
"Oh, you've got to be jerking me." Chloe chuckled, shaking her head and running her hand through her hair in disbelief.
She'd gone upstairs to not only get the contract signed, but to recon the situation and see if their neighbors had recognized them from their little jaunt earlier on. But while she'd seen a frozen image of the video behind them on the computer (the video had been posted to youtube-dear god) none of them seemed to suspect a thing. The only one who'd acted weird was Dr. Cooper, but from what she was learning from his friends 'weird' was the norm for him.
So thankfully the girls had dodged a bullet.
She'd been near giddy with the realization that for once they'd had some luck.
And then the 'SOS' had been sent and she'd come up thinking maybe they'd run out of cleaning supplies…only to find this instead.
"I jerk you not." Lois replied, ignoring the cleaning crew, half of whom were nervously crossing themselves.
"El diablo esta en este apartamento! Es su casa!"
"No, this is not the devil's home." Chloe assured one of the older, more shaken women. "Mi apartamento no es casa del diablo. No hay ningun diablo aqui. No se preucupe tanto senora."
"You know Spanish?" Lois asked in obvious surprise.
"How is it that you don't blink an eye at me knowing Latin-but you're shellshocked I speak Spanish?" Chloe snorted.
"Este lugar esta maldecida!" Another of the ladies cried, continuing to cross herself near manically.
"It's not cursed!" Chloe tried to reassure the women and men, who didn't seem to believe her one bit. "I can't believe you'd actually think this is the devil's cursed apartment! I mean, just because there's a secret compartment filled with animal bones and a propped up stuffed ram's head and pictures of demons preying on virgins…okay, I can get why you'd think it's cursed. But it's not. Trust me."
"El diablo!" They kept hissing to themselves.
Chloe sighed, bowing her head. "We're going to have to find new cleaning people."
"They're going to deal with the freaky altar before they go though, right?" Off Chloe's look, Lois made up her face. "But I don't want to touch that! El diablo!"
"El diablo!" The people chorused.
Chloe smacked her hand to her face.