Pairings: Jacob/Edward, Rosalie/Bella, Paul/Emmett, Alice/Leah, Jasper/Jared, Embry/James and others
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: Jacob is in denial. Bella is his sister. Edward is in his mind. And apparently, according to Alice, everyone in the wolf tribe are destined to imprint on a vampire...and will also catch a case of the Gay Flu too. Yep. Jacob's in denial.
A/N1: Severely AU and Slashified...and the characters could very well be considered OOC due to the drastic change in circumstances! Don't like? PLEASE DON'T READ! ALSO! Every single pairing EXCEPT for Carlisle/Esme is uncanon.
IMPORTANT!!!! This is written for my good friend yenny2206, requested as a Christmas Gift by hogwartsvixxen. I hope you two are happy with this :)
"You're not even-!"
Jared pouted as he glared at the unmoving vampire. "Is that the only word you know?"
Jasper lips twitched in reluctant amusement. "No."
Jared narrowed his eyes in obvious annoyance. "You need to compromise."
"Compromise." Jasper said the word as if it was the most amusing word in the world.
"I have done nothing but watch your endless parade of DVDs." Jasper shook his head. "If you want compromise then how about you do some things that I want to do?"
Jared suddenly perked up. This was more participation from the vampire than he'd had since he'd started this whole "win over the vampire" campaign upon discovering that his imprintee just did not like him for no good reason. "What do you want to do?"
Jasper considered the question for a second. "Training."
Jared blinked. He then blinked again. "Training."
"Yes, training." Jasper nodded, apparently warming up to the idea.
Jared hadn't seen Jasper this interested in something he'd ever suggested, and a part of him was insulted, but he could feel the genuine interest in the vampire and was reluctant to lose it. It'd taken him forever to find something that they could do together, and maybe he'd tried to push all of his favored activities onto the vampire figuring that if he was soulmate he'd enjoy them as well. He'd been sorely wrong. So maybe he should try this, even if the thought of training wasn't exactly something he thought of as fun or a bonding experience.
"Are we talking about training while I'm in my human form or in my wolf form?" There were pros and cons to both situations, so Jared wasn't exactly sure which answer he actually wanted to hear.
"Are you really going to do this?" Shock was rippling from Jasper into Jared. "Really?"
Okay. He was definitely insulted now. "Yeah. I can take you on, in either form."
Jasper smirked. "Is that so?"
Okay, he did not have to feel so amused at the idea of Jared beating him! Jared's manly ego couldn't handle much more of this! "Yuh. Totally." He anchored his hands on his hips. "I just don't want you to take it personally when I totally dominate you."
Jasper's lips curved and the amusement increased tenfold. "I'll keep that in mind."
Jared's eyes narrowed, once more annoyed with what he was feeling from the vampire. "Stop feeling so amused. I can totally take you on."
Jasper's amusement only increased.
"What are you doing?" Charlie felt a headache coming on as he stared at the voluptuous female who made him feel constantly on edge.
"I'm answering an advertisement for a job that's being offered." Victoria held up the sign that read "Needed: Secretary" which she must've stolen from the front window. "According to the boys no one has shown any interest in it the two weeks it's been up. According to one of the guys, I'm a 'godsend'."
"More like a demon from hell sent by the devil to torment me." Charlie gave a little growl as he moved closer to the redhead, who did not move backwards one bit, as if she felt no sort of intimidation from him. And that only served to frazzle him more because he knew he could be miserable and intimidating as hell. "Why would you want this job? It doesn't suit you."
She raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
He opened his mouth and then closed it before he finally thought of a comeback and opened it once more. "You're too…" his mind went blank as he realized that her eyes were kinda pretty for a leech. He then realized what he was thinking and shook his head in disgust. "You smell horrible."
Those eyes widened in horror. "You don't smell like a bed of roses either!"
"See?" He was nearly desperate. "This will never work out!" He grabbed the sign from her. "Thanks for stopping by. Goodbye."
"Now just wait one minute!" Victoria snatched the sign right back from him. "I want this job! I'm going to get this job!"
"No you're not." Charlie felt so horribly childish right now and blamed it all on this annoying leech and her ridiculously perfect hair. Who had hair like that anyway? "And that's final."
"No it's not."
"Woman! I'm the chief here!" He leaned in and glared at her. "My word is law!"
"Well, I'm not from around here so your laws don't apply to me." She folded her arms over her chest, still holding on tightly to that sign.
"Yes they do." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed as he closed his eyes. He could feel that headache getting stronger.
"No." She raised her chin defiantly.
"Yes!" It was only when he realized that a couple of his deputies were glancing at him in barely contained intrigue that Charlie realized he might've been behaving somewhat more childishly than he'd feared. His eyes narrowed on the men spying unsubtly on them (causing his deputies to scatter visibly—he wished Paul was in today because his second in command would've totally kept the others from spying) before he turned that glare on the leech in front of him but she did not even so much as twitch an eyebrow or anything. The cheeky... Charlie cleared his throat and took in a deep breath as he decided he needed to take the high road here and not deign to enter into childish spats with bloodsuckers. "Victoria, you don't need a job." He tried to be sensible and rational and not blow his cool. "You don't need this job."
"No." She nodded in agreement. "But I want it."
"Why the devil would you want it?" So much for being sensible and rational and not blowing his cool!
"Because…" Victoria leaned in closer, her voice low as she cast a glance around at the deputies in distrust. "…if the people who are after us find out where we are, I'll sense it and be right next to you and able to warn you within seconds so that you can rally up the troops as quickly as possible." She raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "And that could be the difference between a perfectly executed defense or being caught with our pants down and… innocents… getting caught and hurt in the crossfire."
Charlie opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, closed it, opened it, and then groaned as he closed it once more and palmed his face. "That makes sense."
"Of course it does." There was a superior tone in her voice that just grated at his nerves.
He raised an eyebrow at her, wanting to deny her the job just to cross her, but her reason for wanting it was smart and he couldn't find a reasonable reason to deny her this. He also wouldn't show any sort of weakness by admitting that this leech put him on edge by just being near him and that he had a strong feeling, one he had never felt before, that she might be a huge danger to him and his way of life.
"Fine," he grumbled as he let out a self-depreciating sigh. "You've got the job."
"I know." She smiled, very pleased with herself, before she leaned over and pressed a kiss to Charlie's cheek. "Now, let's talk about my salary and benefits."
Charlie sputtered, his face flushed red as he wiped at his cheek in horror. "D-don't you d-do that ever again!"
Victoria ignored his stuttered order and plopped down on the chair in his office, a smile on her face. "I'll obviously be expecting a decent amount of overtime as well if you keep me passed 5 in the evenings. There's also sick days to be discussed."
"You're a va-you don't get sick." He cleared his throat.
"But they don't know that." She batted her eyelashes innocently at him. "Taking that into consideration, it would only be wise to take some sick days throughout the year, wouldn't it? Otherwise people might begin to question."
Charlie stared at her, that feeling of fear rolling even tighter in his gut.
This woman was dangerous.
She might be cute and all that, but he'd never really been one to have gut feelings before and now that he'd had his first one he was following it with all his might.
This leech was out to get him. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but she was. His instinct was telling him this, and he was undeniably terrified.
If Paul didn't know better he'd think that Emmett was in a sulk. There was no way that that was physically possible though, especially since Paul would probably be the only person who could get the vampire to be anywhere near a sulk (not that Emmett would sulk) was Paul himself, and he had not seen the vampire enough this last week to have done anything to pester him. In fact, Paul had wryly thought (while taking Rachel to a couple of hospital appointments and other things she needed to do) that Emmett must be happy to have Paul distracted and away from him for this long.
He must've seen Emmett twice this last week and both times he'd only spent around ten minutes with the vampire before he'd had to take off to do something or the other. It annoyed the shapeshifter that he wasn't able to spend more time annoying the vampire (because, well, that had become an important part of his life, damn it) but he figured that at least it would give Emmett a break from him and whenever he could actually get back to doing what he actually wanted to do Emmett would be in good spirits from the "vacation away from Paul Lahote".
It didn't seem to be working out that way. If anything, every time he saw Emmett the vampire was snappier and crankier than before. It made Paul feel seriously insecure. Was the vampire enjoying his "me time" so much that just the sight of Paul's face sent him into some sort of temper tantrum because the wolf was going to fuck up with his calm or something?
"What do you think?"
Paul looked up from where he was having lunch with Rachel at the diner in Forks. "Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I said," Rachel raised an eyebrow. "If it's a boy, what do you think about Isaac Lahote?"
Paul licked his lips. "We don't know if it's mine yet so I don't think we should go about naming the kid. I mean, it could be Brian's, and Isaac Newman doesn't really…" he paused. "Actually, Isaac Newman doesn't sound so bad either."
A frown crossed Rachel's lips.
Paul's gaze went to his phone. It'd been two days and fifteen and a half hours since he'd last seen Emmett, and the fact that he knew that just annoyed him more. Why in the world was he being such a girl about this? Especially when the leech didn't appreciate what he was going through?
If he'd thought that Emmett would be supportive, or a friend, about this situation he found himself in he'd been terribly wrong. Emmett didn't give a damn about this baby business, and the few times the subject was brought up or Emmett had to somehow get involved the vampire had been moody and distant and would snap at him much quicker and frequently than ever.
Maybe he needed more space. Maybe Paul was just looking for someone to comfort him when there was no reason why Emmett should do any of that. It was just that-Emmett was supposed to be his imprintee-and Paul still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he'd imprinted on someone who just didn't give a damn about him. He'd lost his pack over the vampire and yet Emmett only tolerated him at best.
"I like the name Sarah if it's a girl." Rachel's gaze was on her cup of tea as she spoke.
Once again Paul was torn from his thoughts as he turned to face his ex-girlfriend. "That's a pretty name." He felt guilty for ignoring her like this all the time and angsting over a damn vampire who really didn't deserve any of his attention. Who made it blaringly obvious that he didn't want it.
Rachel grinned brightly, visibly happy. "I know, right?" She placed her hand on her stomach. "She'd be a little princess."
Paul smiled and reached over to press his hand on hers over her stomach.
Rachel looked up at him, a blush on her face.
Paul wondered what life would've been like if he'd imprinted on Jacob's half-cousin. It would've been much easier, that was for sure. He doubted that Rachel would treat him the way that Emmett did right now. She probably would, in time, become a devoted imprintee. They could probably have been happy together, raising a family.
He sighed and leaned back on his seat, removing his hand from her stomach.
Why in the world did he have to imprint on Emmett? Sure, he was quite sure that his vampire was the pick of the litter (and he shivered whenever he thought about being imprinted on by someone like Edward or Rosalie) but he figured that Alice would've made him a nice imprintee. She was smart, sweet, and quite eager for this imprinting business. She would've worked along with him and not against him like that damned, stubborn idiot.
Paul's gaze rose to the cloudy sky and wondered, randomly, why Emmett was still attending high school. To any outsider it would look as if Paul was robbing the cradle for crying out loud! He'd graduated two years ago and worked… or he had… at the Rez. When he'd been banished he'd lost that job as well and it was only thanks to his amazing alpha that Paul had a job again. Sure, it had never been his dream to be a deputy but he was becoming good at it and he liked the guys there. Also, it helped him stay close to the alpha of his pack, and in packs the lesser wolves always wanted to be near the alpha.
Thoughts of his alpha made Paul think about the alpha's son, and he couldn't help but wonder when exactly Jacob was going to form his own pack, because he knew it was going to happen. Everyone knew it the second Paul became Charlie's second in command, his right hand man, and not Jacob. It hadn't been a demotion, Jacob hadn't been looked over. No. Jacob was from a long line of alphas, and the fact that Paul had become Charlie's second meant that Jacob would one day have his own pack and be its alpha. It meant that Jacob was basically biding his time with them.
Jacob Black-Swan: alpha.
Paul snorted in amusement. He had a feeling Bella would probably remain in Charlie's pack, but Paul knew that if Jacob became an alpha he'd have followers so that meant that something was going to happen. He wasn't sure whether it would involve the wolves who were already a part of the Rez pack or if some of the new wolves who turned would became Jacob's pack. Paul was not sure about this but the idea intrigued him.
His lips curled at the thought of Edward Cullen as Den Mama. He actually couldn't contain his laughter as he brought his hand to his face and his body shook with laughter while imagining Edward in a frilly, pink apron.
"What's so funny?" Rachel asked curiously.
"Nothing, I was just thinking about a friend of mine and his partner." Paul's shoulders shook with his mirth. "They're ridiculous together. It's like they're living in a CBS comedy show or something."
Rachel tilted her head. "You'll have to introduce me to him and her one day."
"Right." Paul nodded as he wiped amused tears from his eyes and didn't bother to correct her assumption that it was a heterosexual pairing. "Someday I might."
"I'm still waiting for you to "dominate" me."
Jared lay on his back on the hard ground, his whole body in pain, and it was all he could do not to show that vampire the middle finger.
Apparently he didn't even have to do anything because Jasper's amusement was sinful right now.
"You can change into your wolf form if you like." Jasper moved into his range of sight, not at all winded. "Even though you said you could "take me on" in either form, I'll just pretend I don't remember and let you even out the fight… a little."
"Okay, I'm gonna kick your ass for that one." Jared might've promised that with every intention of following through, but he was in too much pain at this moment to move an inch so he just decided that he was merely warning Jasper about some future ass-kicking because it would definitely have to wait until it didn't hurt to breathe.
Some of the amusement began to fade and was instead replaced with a small hint of concern. "Are you really hurt?"
"Nope. Not at all." Jared tried for casual. "I'm just, uh, catching my breath and giving you time to, uh, prepare for the immense ass-kicking in your imminent future."
Jasper bent on his knees next to him, curiosity and concern beginning to mix as he reached out and poked Jared hard in one of the places that hurt him the most, and the werewolf couldn't keep from flinching in pain. Jasper's golden eyes narrowed further as his concern grew and all traces of amusement washed clean out of his system. "You really are hurt."
Oh god. His ego couldn't take the actual worry he could feel from the vampire. "No I'm not."
Annoyance began to filter in with the concern as Jasper poked him, again, harder.
"Stop doing that!" Jared hissed as the pain flared through his system.
Jasper's eyes were so narrowed they were merely slits. "We're going to start training with you in your human form every morning before you go to work, and every evening after you come back."
Jared's eyes widened in horror at the very thought, and even his pride couldn't keep him from squeaking out: "Are you trying to kill me?"
That annoyance grew. "On the contrary: I'm saving your life."
Jared blinked, confused, and he groaned in pain as he forced himself to sit up so that he wasn't looking up at an upside-down Jasper Hale. "I think it might be the disorienting pain and concussion speaking, but I could've sworn you said you were going to beat me up while I'm human, daily, and by doing so you'd save my life."
"You're right, you might have a concussion that's affecting your hearing." Jasper raised an eyebrow. "I said twice daily."
Jared stared up at Jasper's golden eyes and felt an inkling of fear. "Whatever I did, I apologize. I'll never do it again."
Jasper was more annoyed with him right now than he'd been seconds ago, and that annoyance was taking over all trace of concern. "You can't always shift on time to fight a vampire-and even if you could, the time it takes you to do so would leave you vulnerable. It's why, before the imprinting, you wolves never appeared to us in your human forms." His concern was returning now. "I'm going to teach you how to fight a vampire and win, even in your human form."
Jared looked up at him in shock. "Huh?"
"I've trained human soldiers while I was alive, and I trained vampire warriors when I was turned." Jasper didn't look proud about this, if anything there was tons of guilt rolling out from him as he said this. Determination then began to kick in as he clenched his jaws. "If I can train humans and vampires, I can train a werewolf."
Jared really wanted to tell him there was no need for this, but Jasper had a point when he said that in the act of changing they were vulnerable. Also? Well, Jared could feel how uncomfortable this whole subject made Jasper and that he was pushing himself by offering to train Jared. The werewolf could feel how hard it was for Jasper to put himself back in that position and yet he was willing to do so, willing to bring up obviously very bad memories, in order to help Jared defend himself when he was most vulnerable.
That touched the werewolf, and even though he was in utter agony, he managed a truly genuine smile for the vampire. "We'll start tomorrow."
Jasper snorted. "We've started this morning." He raised an eyebrow. "Part two is this evening."
Jared gave a groan and collapsed back to the ground, suddenly sure this was all just pay-back for the Transformers marathon.
He'd made a mistake.
He'd made a horrible mistake.
"Real men drink it black." Victoria glared at him, hands on her hips.
Charlie was still choking on the vile monstrosity she'd brought him and had had the audacity to call coffee. He didn't have a problem with 'black'! He liked it black! What he didn't like was swallowing down uncrushed coffee beans when he unsuspectingly took a gulp of the drink!
Victoria shook her head at him as if he was purposely trying to make her life difficult.
Charlie knew, then and there, that he would probably die one day in his office, seated in his seat, and he was staring right at his murderer.
Emmett Cullen was in a sulk. He knew it and hated it.
He also didn't have any sort of warm feelings for the damned wolf whose fault it was that he was in a… god help him… sulk. Paul was, damn him, way too busy to even realize he had the vampire in this juvenile state of being, and that made Emmett sulk even more! He couldn't help it. He'd tried to stop. He'd even tried to be, god help him, nice to Paul whenever the werewolf deigned to come around, but Emmett couldn't keep his resentful thoughts from manifesting themselves into snappy words, sour looks, and an all-round unhappy disposition.
Seriously. Why couldn't he have been imprinted on by Seth Clearwater? Sure, the guy was young and way too cute and nice and couldn't return a barbed snark with the same talent as Paul did-but damn it, he took this imprinting thing seriously! He was there constantly, with his huge sparkling eyes (honestly, he looked like an ecstatic chipmunk sometimes) and shiny disposition, and had won over every single vampire in the coven. Hell, he was everyone's favorite person. Even the newcomers were warmed up to him.
Emmett wasn't attracted to the kid in the least bit, but at least Seth talked about things that didn't have to do with Charlie or Rachel. Every single time that Emmett saw Paul he ended up saying something about either of them, and that just made Emmett more annoyed than he'd been before because damn it, what was he getting out of this? Paul was getting his strength (damn him) but Emmett wasn't getting anything!
And the fact that he was annoyed with that made him even more annoyed because he shouldn't really care! And he didn't care! No. He didn't! Expect that he totally did.
"Why don't you just tell him all of this instead of snapping at him for no reason whenever he comes over to the house?" A voice Emmett just did not want to hear asked.
The vampire turned to face his brother. "Edward, stay out of my head."
"I couldn't even if I wanted to, you're shouting too loudly." Edward let out a sigh as he sat down on the bleachers next to him. "Believe me, I'd much prefer to be with Jacob right now but you're angst is killing me."
"Sorry for your pain." Emmett's voice was a totally deadpan.
"No you're not." Edward rolled his eyes. "You need to stop pushing Paul away or he's going to give up and just stay away."
Emmett snorted despite the surprising feeling that jolted in his stomach at those words. "That damned wolf wouldn't leave no matter how hard I begged… if I would ever beg."
"I don't know." Edward looked away. "I mean, you've got to remember the purpose of the imprint. The wolves become what they feel their imprinter needs and wants. And if you're constantly giving Paul the impression that you want him as far away from you as possible, he's going to soon feel he needs to do exactly that and start avoiding you or something like that to keep you happy." Edward frowned. "If he isn't already doing that."
Emmett's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about? He's not avoiding me."
"He's not coming to visit you much either though."
A muscle jumped in Emmett's cheek. "He's busy. That's all. As soon as they find out that that baby is Brian's then things will go back to normal."
"Will they?" Edward challenged. "And what if that child is his? Then he'll have a great way of keeping himself busy when he decides to give you want you've made him think you want - lots of distance between you two."
"Good." Emmett bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't care if I never see him again."
"You do." Edward raised an eyebrow. "You really do. I mean, it might be only in your mind that you'll admit to it, but you care very much."
Damn that telepath! "I'm not gay."
Edward didn't agree or disagree. He didn't even look at him, instead his gaze went to the empty football field.
"I don't like guys." Emmett felt the need to reiterate that.
"You like Paul though." Edward still wouldn't look at him. "We both know that." He sighed. "Actually, everyone but Paul knows that." He turned to face Emmett. "What you're doing to him isn't fair, you know. He's been trying all this time and you've never budged an inch." He frowned. "I wouldn't blame him if he got back with Rachel and raised that kid as a family."
Emmett shot up to his feet. "That's not going to happen! That kid isn't even his!"
Edward stared at him calmly. "I wouldn't be too sure about either of those claims if I was you."
Emmett clenched his fists as he glared down at his brother. "Just because you're happy to roll on your stomach for Jacob doesn't mean the rest of us-!" He gulped back the rest of what he was going to say even though he knew Edward could read it in his thoughts. "I hope you know my money's on you only because Paul said that wolves always dominate!"
Edward looked highly amused for some reason. "I thought that might be the issue."
Emmett blinked, momentarily more confused than pissed. "What are you-?"
"That's the whole root of the issue, isn't it?" Edward tilted his head. "That is why you've been acting like this."
Emmett glared hotly at him when he realized what Edward was insinuating. "I don't know what you're-!"
"You have considered it." Edward looked like the cat who ate the canary. "That's what has you so prickly." He smirked a very Jacob-like smirk. "I can only imagine what exactly it is that you've imagined that has you this bothered."
Unbidden a thought rose to his mind before Emmett could stop it and he gasped in horror as he tried to get rid of the thought immediately.
From the look on Edward's face, he hadn't done it quickly enough. The bastard's eyes were wide and his grin disgustingly pleased.
Emmett did the only mature thing he could think of.
He punched Edward square in the face and stormed away, face flushed in horrified embarrassment.
Behind him, he could hear Edward laughing loudly, even if the sound was tinted with pain.