Title: The Secrets We Don't Keep
Pairing: Clarke Griffin/Bellamy Blake
Fandom: The 100
Disclaimer: Don't own the 100
Summary: The one in which Clarke thinks that she's kept the fact that she's pregnant (and that Bellamy is the father) a secret, but she really hasn't.
"You okay, Princess?"
She froze, her eyes wide and back stiff. She couldn't have been more grateful for the fact that she was facing away from him. That way she had a moment to breathe in, breathe out, and force her face into normalcy before she turned to face Bellamy Blake. "Course I am." She raised her chin high. "Why wouldn't I be?"
He lifted an eyebrow. "Kinda feisty today, aren'tcha?"
She ignored that comment and moved passed him, making sure not to touch his shoulder as she did so. She'd done enough touching when it came to Bellamy. That was the problem, wasn't it? They'd touched a little too much that one drunken night and she knew that despite the fact that they'd pretended it hadn't happened, she wouldn't be able to continue pretending for much longer.
She was pregnant. The blonde couldn't believe that she'd been this foolish, this careless. They had only managed to relocate and construct a better, stronger, more secure village. They were still trying to get a hang of living on earth, of trying to be at peace with the Grounders-of these Mountain Men and Reapers that Lincoln (whom had moved in with them in their new camp against Bellamy's wishes) had been warning them against.
So, yeah. This was the worst time ever for her to get pregnant. This would be their second winter on earth. The first one had killed off so many of them. They'd been unprepared, so horribly so. And yet now that they'd experienced a taste of what true cold was, of what frostbite and pneumonia brought, Clarke was on overdrive to make sure that this coming winter would be better than the last one. She'd been so busy preparing the medical bay as well as training others to help her... And now this.
"You need to tell him." Raven emerged from her little cabin, which was almost completely finished. After the first winter they'd realized that they needed cabins, chimneys, if they were to survive the cold, and the project to build a house for the remaining of the 100 had begun. Most cabins housed four people, and only certain people were able to have a cabin of their own.
Raven had hers because she worked with ammunitions and was known to conduct dangerous experiments in her desire to help improve the defense of the village.
Monty and Jasper had one of their own because, like Raven, they worked with quite unstable materials.
Bellamy had been sharing his cabin with Octavia until Lincoln joined them, and then those two had gone about creating their own little love nest that no one else wanted to be a part of because it could get ridiculously lovey-dovey between those two.
Clarke didn't have her own cabin despite the fact that Bellamy had wanted her to, citing the fact that she dealt with medicines and such and was important enough for them to give her her own space. She'd refused and taken a room in the cabin that Finn, Monroe and Miller lived in. It wasn't that she didn't want her own cabin, her own privacy, but the nickname everyone had given her, "Princess", reminded her all too well of the caste system on the Ark and how she was the only surviving member of what had been termed the "upper class". She didn't want anyone to ever believe that she truly thought herself a princess in an ivory tower or that she was better than them. That was why, even if it wasn't exactly what she wanted, she would stay in a shared cabin.
"Clarke." Raven raised an eyebrow as she placed her hands on her narrow hips. "You. Need. To. Tell. Him."
Clarke merely gazed away.
Who would've thought that, given their history, Raven and she would've become friends? Then again, the survival of the surviving members of the 100 had been their priority, and the girls had learnt to work well together. They'd learnt to respect the other, respect how much the camp needed the other, and their good working relationship had somehow turned into a friendship despite their history with Finn Collins.
"If you don't tell him, I will," Raven threatened.
"I should never have told you," Clarke groused.
"You didn't," Raven reminded curtly. "I figured it out all on my own. As well as who the father is."
Clarke sighed and ran a hand over her hair before nausea hit her once more and she closed her eyes tightly as she fought the desire to puke right there in front of everyone.
Raven was by her side in seconds. "There has got to be some herbs that help with morning sickness!"
"I'm sure that there are, but I just don't know what they are." Clarke gave a watery smile, feeling so close to crying it was pathetic.
"Maybe you don't, but what about Lincoln?" Raven wanted to know.
"No." Clarke shook her head. "If Lincoln knows, Octavia knows." And if Octavia knows, Bellamy will quickly find out.
"It's not like you can keep it a secret much longer," Raven pointed out. "You're already putting on some weight. In a month or so it'll be very noticeable."
That was the truth, and it was so terrifying. "I still can't believe we've only slept with two guys in our lives... and it's the same guys."
Raven snorted in dark amusement. "I need to jump Miller and change that. You and I are like sexual twins or something." She narrowed her eyes. "You're not into Miller, right?"
"No." Clarke shook her head. "Not at all."
"Good." Raven grinned. "I'll jump him just so that we don't share that freaky connection."
Despite the nausea rolling in her throat, Clarke managed a genuine grin. "Thanks, Raven. For everything."
"Don't thank me yet." Raven frowned. "Because I see Lincoln over there and I'm waving him over, right now."
"Rave-!" Clark couldn't stop her in time though, and she turned to see the handsome Grounder make his way towards them. "I can't-."
"Relax," Raven whispered to her. "I've got this covered."
Clarke failed to relax.
Lincoln stopped before them. "Yes?"
"When Grounders are nauseas, are there plants that they use to help with that?" Raven plowed ahead.
Lincoln turned his gaze immediately to Clarke. "Is the pregnancy taking a toll on you?"
Clarke's eyes widened. "You know?"
Even Raven's eyes bugged out.
Lincoln snorted, as if insulted they were so surprised. "You have been paler than usual, slower than usual, only eat certain things and the waistline of your clothes is growing snugger." Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was common knowledge but that it was Sky People custom not to speak of it when one is with child. Maybe out of fear of bad luck or something of the sort."
"It's not." Clarke shook her head. "I just haven't told anyone."
Lincoln blinked before he frowned. "I do not understand why Bellamy would want to hide the fact that his firstborn will be the first Sky Child born on earth."
Clarke nearly fainted. "How do you know it's Bellamy's?"
Once more Lincoln looked at her as if she'd insulted him. "He is obviously your partner."
It was her turn to snort. "The hell he is!"
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "You two are the leaders of this clan, and rule it together. He comes to you for advice and accepts it, he respects what you have to say and seeks your approval even when he doesn't care what anyone else thinks of his plans or himself. Even when he tortured me he sought your approval, and only yours." The Grounder floored Clarke with that, and had even more to say. "He provides for you by bringing you meat, herbs which he has learnt you use the most, and anything else he finds which he believes you would like or find useful. He also protects you."
Clarke opened her mouth to deny the protection part and remind him that Bellamy protected everyone.
"He is also very territorial with you and has marked his claim in a very subtle yet clear manner."
Clarke's mouth clamped shut.
Raven's eyebrows rose. "Has he now? Do tell."
Clarke elbowed her. "That's just Bellamy making sure his medical officer is alive and well enough to take care of the sick and the wounded. He and I are not together." She gazed down at her stomach. "He has no idea that I'm pregnant."
Lincoln blinked, and then blinked again. "I see." He cleared his throat, apparently somewhat curious yet knowing when he shouldn't butt in (something Octavia desperately needed to learn from him). "I can find the herbs that you need. I will bring them for you."
"Thank you." She smiled gratefully to him before she reached out and caught his arm when he turned to leave. "Could you please not tell Octavia? I want to keep this a secret for as long as I can, especially the Bellamy part."
"I will do as you ask, Clarke, but I do not understand your reasoning for this." Lincoln turned to face her once more, face a frown. "In our community a child is a rare and blessed occassion. The whole tribe comes together to help the expectant parents. It is a very honored time. Life is sacred."
She stared up at him and could cry as she thought about how differently a birth had been receieved in the Ark. Just look at what Bellamy, Octavia and their mother had gone through. Clarke couldn't imagine a world in which children were actively sought and loved and expected with such shared happiness instead of resented for the supplies and air they would eventually take up.
"Where we come from, they'll end every pregnancy that occurs after the first child is born." Raven made a face. "It is something they force us to do."
"We have certain herbs which can terminate a pregnancy should it have been brought upon by rape or if it is a danger to the mother's health, but to actively kill a child..." Lincoln frowned. Apparently Octavia had yet to tell him about her childhood. "This is a thing of wickedness."
"It was a thing of necesity. There was little space, dwindling supplies, and hardly any air left for the amount of people who lived up there as it was. That was their only solution to keep the people alive who were already alive." Even now Clarke tried to defend some of the actions of the Ark, but even she could hear the lack of sincerity in her tone. Even she didn't believe it anymore.
Lincoln made a sound which clearly said he didn't think there could be an excuse for this, but he didn't comment on it, merely declared he'd go and get her her herbs now, before he left.
Raven eyed his back in female appreciation as he strode towards his cabin to get his weapons. "Octavia is one lucky girl."
Clarke smiled. "She definitely is."
Clarke realized that she needed to talk to Bellamy soon about her pregnancy, but every time she got the guts to do so something would happen that required her attention, his attention, or theirs. Due to that the pregnancy talk she kept wanting to have kept being pushed farther and farther down the line and Clarke knew that if things continued this way it would come back to bite her in the butt. If Lincoln and Raven had both figured out on their own she knew that it was only time before Bellamy did as well, and she'd have hell to pay if he figured things out before she told him.
"What are you doing?!" Miller's voice was tinged with panic as he dropped his gun (he'd apparently been on his way to relieve the sentry at the front gate) and raced towards her. "I know you want to be as useful as you can be to this camp, but damn it, Clarke, be smart!" He snatched the heavy container from her and glared at her, something he never did. "You know better than anyone that pregnant women shouldn't be carrying around heavy things or doing stressful work! Our lives are stressful enough as it is. Don't add physical stress to the mixture." He then paused, noticed her shocked expression, and snickered. "We share a cabin, Clarke. There can only be so many cases of food poisoning, or weak stomach problems. Even I can figure out that if a girl is vomitting every morning into a bucket it probably means that she's suffering from morning sickness." He made a face. "I get why you haven't told me, but I'm admittedly a bit hurt Bellamy didn't. I thought he trusted me more than that."
Why was it that every single person who knew she was pregnant assumed automatically that the baby was Bellamy's? The assumption was correct, obviously, but Clarke couldn't wrap her head around the fact that everyone was so sure!
"It's just my pride that's keeping me from actually asking him about it." Miller sighed.
"He doesn't know." Clarke bit her bottom lip.
Miller's eyes widened. "Are you serious?"
She nodded. "Every time I try to tell him something happens."
"Clarke, you need to tell him." Miller frowned. "Bellamy and Octavia grew up without a father. He won't forgive you if he thinks you're trying to keep him from being a dad to his kid."
"I'm not," she promised a little desperately. "It's just... awkward. And we're always having some sort of crisis."
"Exactly. There will always be a crisis. So don't use that as an excuse."
She felt properly chastised.
"Plus, it would hurt him more considering that he trusts you, and he doesn't really trust anyone else." Miller took in a deep breath.
Clarke looked up at him. "He trusts you, Miller."
The guy smirked at her. "It's not the same, Clarke. You're his councillor, his conscience. You're the Princess to his King."
"There are no castes or differences in-."
"Clarke, listen to me." Miller shifted the weight of the container. "We get it. You don't want people to think you still believe in the class system and the segregation and animosity that that created on the Ark. But things are different down here. We all know that you two are our leaders. We have no problem with that." He smiled wryly. "In fact, we know we need you two to lead us if we want to survive."
She might've lived in the same cabin with Miller for a while now, but she'd never had a conversation like this one with him, and she was so touched she could feel tears coming to her eyes. "We need each other."
"Tell him, Clarke. I know you'll be glad you did." Miller merely smiled at her. "Now where do you want this?"
She smiled back at him. "Over here."
"So, uh, is Bellamy the father?"
Clarke groaned, hand to her stomach as she looked up from where she'd had to dash off away the others on their expedition so she could vomit in peace.
Finn stood behind her, face registering how awkward he found this conversation to be.
They had made up after the whole Raven thing, and had been able to salvage their friendship. In fact, Clarke thought that it was probably best that nothing had happened between them because Finn was a good man. He just wasn't the guy for her. This way they could remain friends.
"Yeah." She didn't see any reason to deny this as she turned and leaned against a tree, hands on her stomach.
"Is that why he doesn't usually let you out of the village unless he's a part of the group?" Finn wanted to know. It was a fair question given the fact that Bellamy really hadn't wanted to let her leave the safety of the village without him present, and the only reason they were doing this expedition now without him was because he'd taken too long on the hunting party and they'd left without him. "I mean, I know that he's gotten very protective over you for a while now, but I only began to suspect a baby a couple of weeks ago."
Here was yet another person telling her they'd figured out she was pregnant and that Bellamy was the most probable father. "He doesn't know."
Finn's eyebrows rose. "Really?"
She nodded, tired. She was always tired now.
"Wow." Finn ran his fingers through his hair. "Why haven't you told him?"
"That's the question, isn't it?" She sighed and gazed at the sky. "I'm a coward."
He snorted. "Not the Princess."
"I am." She gave him a little glare. "But I need to tell him, soon."
"Yeah, I'm surprised you've managed to keep it a secret this long." Finn knelt down in front of her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Your morning sickness seems to be getting better, at least."
Apparently Miller wasn't the only one who'd heard her vomitting through the walls.
"Yeah, Lincoln's been bringing me herbs that help with that."
"I've been wondering about how much time he's been spending over at the medical bay." Finn's eyes widened. "Some people were beginning to think that you two were interested in each other." He snickered. "And then the others told them that you two were probably sharing woes at being with the Blake siblings. We all know neither of them can be easy to get along with."
Clarke's eyes widened. "I'm not with Bellamy."
Finn snorted as his gaze, and his hand, lowered to Clarke's stomach. "Yeah, right."
She pouted because she had a feeling that no matter what she said, Finn, and no one else, would believe her.
It was when she realized that she would need new clothes due to her current ones being too tight on her, that Clarke decided she couldn't put it off any longer. No matter how intimidating the thought of talking to Bellamy about this pregnancy was, she needed to get it out in the open, especially with the growing list of people who already knew. She also needed to start making preparations for the birth.
Like Lincoln had said, her child would be the first one born on earth since they'd come down. They didn't understand the complications, or what else might happen. She needed to be prepared for everything, and she knew that she could rely on Bellamy to help her do so. He mightn't be too happy at the thought of having a child with her, but he would be there for the child. She knew that.
That was why she found herself at Bellamy's cabin that night.
He opened the door and blinked when he saw her. She almost expected a teasing comment but something in her expression must've warned him that she was coming here for a very serious reason, because his face went grim. "Is everything okay?"
"Can I come inside and talk to you for a couple of minutes?" Clarke asked softly.
Bellamy nodded as he opened the door wider and closed it after her. He led her towards the living room, where the fire burned in the chimney. It was getting colder and colder and they were spending more and more time indoors to keep warm.
Clarke gazed around Bellamy's cabin despite having seen it before, and once more felt that it was too spartan, that it had no personality, no personal touch. She then shook her head, because Bellamy's interior decorating skills were not why she was here. "Uh, Bellamy, we need to talk."
He plopped down on a seat. "I figured as much."
"I'm going to go straight to the point." She licked her lips and sat more daintily on another seat. "I'm pregnant."
If it was shock she was expecting, she was sorely disappointed. Bellamy's face merely darkened as he nodded and echoed his previous words. "I figured as much."
Her eyes widened in shock. "You know?"
"Of course I know." He looked insulted, much like Lincoln had. "You barely eat, you don't keep down what you eat, and you're paler, more tired." He leaned forwards in his chair. "My mother had to hide her pregnancy with Octavia, Clarke, I know what a pregnant woman trying to hide her state acts like, looks like." A muscle jumped in his cheek as he leaned back. "What I don't understand is why you are hiding it. Unless, of course, the father isn't interested in being in the child's life or is in a relationship with someone else."
She glared at him for that last one.
"So, I'm curious." He tilted his head to the side. "Is it Lincoln?"
Her lips parted in shock and insult. "What? Of course not! He's with Octavia for crying out loud."
Bellamy nodded, as if he'd thought so but wanted to make sure. "I've noticed him returning with herbs from his outtings, new herbs that I haven't seen before." Bellamy's dark gaze lowered to her stomach before it returned to her face. "I'm assuming they're for the nausea."
"Then, considering you do not spend time with many other men, I have to ask... is it Miller's?" Bellamy voice was odd. "I have noticed him being very... attentive... to you lately."
"He knows I'm pregnant." Clark looked away, totally horrified by this conversation. "He figured it out and told me I should tell the father. I was always going to tell the father, but Miller helped me decide to do so sooner than I would've."
"So it's not Miller. That leaves me with only one other option." Bellamy made a face as dark annoyance covered his face. "I thought you were smarter than this."
She felt hurt but should've expected him to be pissed at the fact that she'd gotten pregnant from their one night together. They both had so much on their plate and to add a baby on top of it-.
"Spacewalker? Really?" Bellamy's growl jolted her from her thoughts. "Haven't you learnt anything from your past experiences with him?"
Clarke's mouth fell open.
"Don't give me that look." Bellamy snapped at her. "I thought you were smarter than-."
"It's yours, Bellamy." She shook her head. "The baby is yours."
He froze, his eyes wide. "Are you sure?"
"I hadn't slept with anyone for at least a year and a half before we had that night together, and I haven't slept with anyone since, so yeah." She gave a decisive nod. "I'm sure."
Bellamy merely stared at her in silence.
She grew uncomfortable and stood. "I, uh, I'm sorry for just springing this on you like this, but you're the father and you deserve to know and-."
Bellamy stood as well and moved towards her before he reached down and placed a hand against her stomach. His expression was surprisingly vulnerable as his dark gaze rested on the tiny bump his hand was pressed against. "That's my child."
She nodded, not sure what else to do.
Bellamy's lips twitched in a small smile before he cleared his throat and stepped away, face determined. "I'll have Miller and Spacewalker move all your things into this cabin by tomorrow. Go pick out a room."
She blinked and stared at him in confusion. "Why-?"
"You don't think I'm going to let you go back to stay with them, do you?" Bellamy snorted. "This is our baby, Clarke. I have every right and duty to help you through your pregnancy, plus, I have experience with these things from when I helped my mother." He smirked. "Also, I have extra space, and the child will need a room of his or her own-a nursery." His mind was working at a thousand miles per hour. "I'll talk to Winston about starting on a cradle at first light." He turned to Clarke. "And you're going to cut down on your hours at the medical bay."
She scoffed. "No way! I have a responsibility-!"
"You've been training others to help you so they'll just have to step up." He raised an eyebrow. "I'm putting my foot down, Princess. You're going to take it easy from now on." He frowned. "And no more going outside the wall."
"Now I know you're insane." Clarke glared at him, hands on her hips. "Just because I'm having your child doesn't mean you can dictate what I'm going to do!"
"The hell it doesn't!" He snapped at her.
"It doesn't!" She snapped right back.
"This is serious, Clarke!" Bellamy growled at her. "Not only could the baby be hurt, but so could you! You remember the stories of the medieval days on earth. You remember how they told us so many women died in childbirth! It was because they didn't have what we did on the Ark. We don't have the facilities we had on the Ark!"
It hit her then that the baby wasn't the only one he was worried about. "But you helped your mother give birth to Octavia, and she survived it."
"She wasn't living in a radiation-filled world with enemy factions of Grounders or Reavers or Mountain Men... and who knows what else is out there." Bellamy frowned darkly at her.
Clarke stared up into his face, saw the urgent need to protect her and the child, and knew that she couldn't tell him no... about the moving in part at least. "So, I can pick any room?"
Bellamy smiled, he honest to goodness smiled, and nodded. "Want a grand tour?"
She nodded as a small smile touched her lips. She knew that life with Bellamy in the next room would be a life of bucking heads and continuous arguments, but at least for now, it didn't seem all that bad.