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The Secrets We Don't Keep 3/? 
20th-Jul-2014 02:28 pm

"You are getting so fat."

"Thank you, Octavia." Clarke rolled her eyes before she stared down at her, admittedly, large stomach. "That makes me feel so much better."

The brunette ignored her and pressed her ear against Clarke's stomach. "Come on little niece, come on. Give us a kick." She was sure the baby was a girl, said that it was her "aunt instincts". "Your mommy says you're big enough to kick and she's a know-it-all, so you really need to give a little kick for your aunty."

Clarke's gaze went to her interns, who were watching them with rapt attention. "Octavia, this really isn't the time or-." The baby didn't kick but it moved, shifted, and Clarke's breath was taken away as she jolted slightly at the movement.

Octavia's eyes widened. "What was that?"

"It moved."

Suddenly the interns were around her as well, everyone trying to get a feel of the baby moving inside. Clarke wanted to remind them that they were all on duty, but there were far too few reasons to laugh and be excited these days, so she let everyone have this moment as their hands pressed against her stomach. The kids were just that, kids, and Octavia's glee was contagious as they crowded around in excitement and laughed and urged the baby to move again.

"What's going on here?" Finn's voice sounded a little concerned and intrigued.

"The baby moved!" Octavia grinned brightly. "I asked for a kick, but I'll take what I can get!"

Finn grinned as he came towards them. The interns pulled away as he reached her and hesitated. "May I?"

Clarke smiled and nodded, by now more than used to everyone wanting to touch her stomach.

Finn knelt, rubbed his hands together, and then pressed them against her belly in wait.

The interns leaned in closer.

Octavia's eyes widened.

The baby shifted.

"Oh, wow!" Finn laughed. "That's amazing!" He turned up to look at Clarke. "What does that feel like to you?"

"It's really not anything I can put into words," she admitted. "I can't describe it."

"It's freaking awesome." Finn continued to laugh as he stared up at Clarke in open admiration.

She smiled back down at him.


Blue eyes widened as she turned her head to peer over her shoulder at Bellamy as he stood stonily at the door. His expression was grim and it caused a jolt of worry to spear through her as she turned away from Finn and moved towards their leader. "What is it? Did something happen?"

Bellamy's dark gaze went behind her before he cleared his throat and turned his orbs onto her. "I just came to check up on you. Nothing's wrong." He took in a deep breath. "What's going on here?"

Clarke smiled. "The baby moved."

"Really?" Bellamy's face shifted into a large smile, his eyes wide as immediately he placed his hand against her stomach. "Come on baby, move again for daddy."

Clarke stared up into his face while he concentrated on her stomach, and something twisted in her abdomen but it wasn't the baby. No. It was emotion, stark emotion, and it surprised her. Seeing Bellamy this open, this unguarded, this excited, did something to her.

Not for the first time, Clarke wondered what it would be like if she and Bellamy had made a baby the traditional way. She wondered what life would've been like if she and Bellamy had met on the Ark, if she'd never been arrested and he'd never lost his position as cadet and worked his way up. She wondered if they would've fallen in love, if maybe she couldn't have helped him hide Octavia. But that fantasy was never kind on Octavia, who would still remain hidden for the rest of her life.

Whenever she remembered that, Clarke would wonder, well, what if Bellamy had maintained his position as cadet and been the one assigned to her cellblock. Would… couldsomething have happened? They could've fallen in love. They could've consummated those feelings. She could've become pregnant for someone who was her partner and who was in love with her.

If Bellamy was this amazing as the future father when they weren't even together, Clarke could only guess how breathtaking he could've been if he was actually in love with her.

A stab of disappointment always curled through her at that last bit.

Bellamy gazed up at her and frowned as he reached up to cup her cheek with his free hand. "What is it? Are you nauseas again? Do you need some tea?" He didn't give her time to answer. "You need some tea. I'm going to get you some-."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat in terror as the emotion welled up thicker inside of her, and then she felt something and gasped.

Bellamy's eyes widened as he lowered his gaze quickly to her stomach. "The baby kicked."

"What?" Octavia cried out as she, and the others, hurried towards them. "No fair! I asked for a kick!"

Bellamy laughed, and the sound went straight to Clarke's heart. She stared up at his face, at the face that hardly ever had a smile, much less was bright in laughter, and when Bellamy raised his eyes, and they were shining with happiness as they caught hers, Clarke realized in terror that she might be falling in love with him.

The baby kicked again.

"The baby did it again!" Bellamy grabbed Octavia's hand and pressed it next to his in time for another kick.

"That's my niece!" Octavia gushed. "She's going to raise hell!"

"Don't be a bad influence, O." Bellamy scolded good-naturedly before he laughed when the baby kicked again. "See? Baby knows daddy." He knelt down, his hands on Clarke's stomach. "Thanks for the hello, kid, but try not to leave your mom all bruised up."

Oh, god.

Clarke had to look away from Bellamy or she'd go insane. She shifted her gaze to the side to see Finn watching them with a weird look on his face. He noticed her staring at him, gave her a smile, and then waved as he silently left the medical bay.

She wondered what that had been about.

"You're an idiot." Octavia glared at Raven as the two women strode on each side of Clarke through the village. "I'm an aunt and I have special instincts when it comes to these things. It's a girl."

"It's a boy." Raven looked at Octavia as if she were an imbecile and Raven didn't know why she was deigning to actually have this argument. "Just look at the direction her belly is pointing. Ancient midwives used to use the position of the belly to determine the sex. It's a baby boy." She made a face. "Also? He's my godson. So I have special godmother instincts."

"You're only the godmother because everyone were too afraid to go up against you in elections." Octavia looked put-out before she noticed a crudely constructed charcoal sign that read: 'Vote for Miller - a Godfather is a guardian and I'm the best bet.'

Raven smirked. "Well, obviously."

Clarke's gaze went to a sign that read: 'Vote for Jasper: I've got this Godfather thing down to an art.'

"What would your slogan have been?" Octavia wanted to know as she gazed at the sign that read: 'Vote for Monty: It's all a matter of chemistry, and I'm the master scientist.' "If you'd had to campaign for godmother, I mean?"

Raven snorted at the very thought. "How about… "Vote for Raven. I know where you sleep and I make explosives."

Clarke snorted in amusement at that. "I can see that."

Kevin Chen's sign was next in view and merely said: 'Vote for Kevin: Life's a party, let's rock and roll!'

Clarke seriously hoped Kevin didn't win. She wanted a better influence for her child.

"So, you're voting for Miller, right?" Octavia turned to Raven.

"Why do you think that?" Raven raised an eyebrow.

Octavia blinked. "Because you're with him."

"So?" Raven snorted. "He needs to earn my vote."

Octavia and Clarke share darkly amused glances.

"I'm voting for Jasper," Octavia informed them. "Raven, you need to vote for Miller and Clarke, you for Monty. Just so we know that they have votes."

"I already exempted myself from voting." Clarke shook her head. "I'm the one who is going to be counting the votes."

"We need to bring Monroe into the plan, then, and Finn." Octavia slammed her fist into her palm. "I'm on this!" And with that she hurried away, on yet another self-appointed mission.

Raven watched her go, eyebrow still raised. "She has far too much energy."

Clarke agreed, especially considering that she had no energy whatsoever anymore.

Raven's gaze slid to Clarke. "So, preparations for first snow seem to be going great. We've got more wood collected than we did last year, and the cabins are all completely finished with enough fur blankets to keep us warm. The supply room has been fully stocked with food and the medical bay has more than enough herbs and seaweed and anything we'd need." She smirked. "I think this winter will be much better than last."

"We're ready this winter, but that is only because we suffered so badly last time and lost so many good people." Clarke frowned every time she thought of the growing cemetery outside the village walls. "We've lost a lot to be where we are today."

Raven nodded in agreement before she sidled Clarke with a sinister smile. "So… how's the pregnancy sex?"

Clarke stumbled, eyes wide. "There's none!"

The pretty latina blinked in shock. "Are you serious? Why not?"

Clarke flushed. "Because we're not together!"

Raven snorted. "You two are so together it's not even funny. It's annoying, actually."

The blonde shook her head. "We're not. He's merely helping me through this pregnancy because this is his child, and if there's something Bellamy believes in, it's family."

Raven stared at her as she continued to shake her head. "You oblivious woman. That guy is in love with you."

"He's not." Clarke's heart hurt.

"He is." The dark haired girl reached out and grabbed Clarke's shoulders. "And you're in love with him."

Clarke stared up at her, unable to deny it.

Raven sighed. "So at least you admit that much."

Clarke nodded, her gaze lowered. "But Bellamy's not in love with me. He would've said something-maybe about our future or something-but he hasn't. He's been a gentleman and he's taking care of the mother of his child. That's all."

Raven made a face. "Well, if that's so. He's an idiot."

"No, he's a good man." Clarke forced the words passed her lips with a trembling smile as she placed her hands on her stomach. "If I could go back and choose who the father of my child would be, I'd choose him all over again."

"Wow." Raven reached out and hugged her tightly. "You're really in love with him."

Clarke hugged Raven back, and while she felt like crying, she didn't. "Yeah. I really am."

"You're being ridiculous." Clarke glared up at Bellamy without any heat as she laid, covered to her chin with the blankets, and the chimney blazing.

"I'm not being ridiculous." Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her while he held the spoon of soup to her lips. "You have a fever."

"Because I'm in this oven." Clark pursed her lips as she glared at him.

He raised an eyebrow, spoon still held up.

Clarke let out a breath and parted her lips obediently so he could slip the spoon passed them. She took a gulp of the broth and closed her eyes against the delicious taste.

"See? You can't complain anymore." Bellamy sounded highly amused as he scooped up more broth and fed her. "Princesses are supposed to be pampered, you know."

She glared at him at that, but couldn't stop the smile on her lips. "I can feed myself, you know."

"Hands back under the blanket." He ordered when she'd started to move the blanket down and free her hands. "Until you're better you're going to stay in this bed, tucked in, and let me take care of you."

Clarke mumbled under her breath as he pulled the blankets back up and let him feed her, but to be honest she was enjoying this. That was probably why she was so hesitant to accept it.

"At least one good thing came from the first snow." Bellamy seemed to be talking to himself as he continued to feed her. "Now most people will be in their homes, we've closed the gates, and you'll have no reason to get out of bed."

She pouted at him. "I've already told you that you can't keep me tied in bed."

He flashed her a cheeky smile. "How about, when this little tyke is out, you tie me to the bed in retaliation?"

She flushed darkly. "Very funny, Bellamy."

"I wasn't joking," he mumbled to himself as he shoved another spoon-full into her mouth.

She swallowed the liquid as silence fell over them. They continued in that comfortable silence until the food was finished, and Bellamy passed her the tea he'd had waiting for her once the food was over.

"You're going to be an incredible father."

Bellamy froze, his eyes wide as he suddenly looked up at her.

"Don't look so shocked!" Clarke laughed as she clasped her hands around the warm mug. "I've always thought that ever since I saw how you were with Charlotte, but this time I've spent in your cabin has merely proven in it me." She smiled warmly at him. "Our child is lucky to have you as a father."

Bellamy merely stared at her in silence.

She laughed nervously and looked away, worried that maybe she'd shown her hand a little too much.

"That-thanks, Princess." Bellamy cleared his throat as he looked away. "You don't know how much that means coming from you." His smile was back and mischievous as he turned to face her. "You are my greatest critic, after all."

Her laughter was barked and felt from deep within.

Bellamy grinned brighter.

Clarke eyed him over the mouth of her cup. "Bellamy?"

"Yeah, Princess?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

He raised an eyebrow. "What's on your mind?"

"We haven't talked about names." Clarke licked her lips. "If it's a girl, I want to name her Aurora Charlotte."

Bellamy froze as he looked at her, and then he cleared his throat and gave her a crooked smile. "I would've thought that you would want to name her Abby, after your mom."

"My mom killed my dad." Clarke shook her head. "Your mom died to so that your sister could live." She took in a deep breath. "I want to name her after your mom, unless you don't like-."

"I like it." He was quick to assure her, his voice lower than usual. "I would really like it." He took in a deep breath. "But as a compromise, if it's a boy, we name it after your dad." He gave a little shrug. "Mine was never in the picture, and your died trying to save the whole Ark." He cleared his throat. "Plus, in a round-about way, if it hadn't been for him this child never would've existed."

Clarke blinked in confusion. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, if he hadn't found out about the oxygen-criss on the Ark, and you found out through him... If you hadn't tried to tell people, you wouldn't have been locked up." Bellamy licked his lips, unable to look at her. "You would've remained on the Ark while we came down here and I never would've learnt that your need to control extended to the bedroom."

"Bellamy!" Clarke gasped as she blushed.

He gave her a small, teasing smile, before his expression went serious. "So if your father hadn't found out that the Ark was doomed, and hadn't died trying to inform us all, then we wouldn't have had this child." He took in a deep breath. "So I want to name our kid after him if it is a boy."

Clarke stared up at Bellamy and wondered if he'd felt this way when she'd told him she wanted to name the child Aurora. "I'd love that."

Bellamy smiled at her and placed his hand on her stomach.

Clarke realized she was completely in love with this guy.

The baby kicked, hard.

Clarke gasped, having lost her breath to the unexpected sensation.

"Our child knows when daddy touches mommy." Bellamy smiled as he rubbed her tummy and then leaned down to press a kiss to it.

Clarke's face colored brighter at the unexpected caress.

Bellamy rested his cheek against her stomach and grinned as the baby shifted, almost as if to move closer. He remained that way, his cheek against her and his hand caressing, as comfortable silence fell upon them.

As Clarke drank the rest of her tea, she realized that this was so very dangerous for her heart, but she couldn't find it in her to put an end to this comfortable closeness. She didn't want to.


She ignored him as she continued to wait for the metal to heat up. She looked up at one of the interns, who appeared ready to faint. "I'm going to need you to hold him down."

The intern did as told.

Clarke grabbed the heated metal and pressed it against the open, gushing wound, cauterizing it.

Koven's screams filled the air.

Bellamy stalked towards Clarke. "Someone else can do this."

She continued to ignore him.

"You fainted yesterday, Clarke." Bellamy hounded her heels. "You said-."

"Bellamy!" She turned to him, eyes blazing. "Stand over there and shut up!"

He snarled yet did as told as he went to the corner, the darkness in his eyes promising her that this was far from over.

She took in a deep breath and continued to tend to Koven, ignoring the interns, who looked between her and Bellamy in absolute fear.

The village's doctor moved on from Koven once she'd patched up the wound, put a poultice around it to help stave off an infection, and then left an intern binding him as she went to the next patient.

These two boys had ventured out of the walls, against orders, and had barely managed to return. They didn't know exactly what had gotten them, but considering the hunting gear they'd had on them, she figured they'd spied some sort of animal and had gone out to hunt it despite the fact that the village had more than enough supplies to last them the winter.

Clarke worked on the second boy, and when he started struggling against her due to the pain, Bellamy was there to force him down and pin him to the bed so Clarke could do her work.

It was a couple of hours later before she was able to wash off their blood from her hands. She was almost sure that they'd survive this, but the second boy, Max, would probably end up with a limp due to the damage to his leg.

"You did good in there."

Clarke turned to face Bellamy. "Thank you for your help."

He didn't look pleased. "You need to train your interns to do more complex things like this. You shouldn't have to come out to work in this sort of situation when you're fainting all the time."

"It's not all the time." Clarke rolled her eyes at him. "I'm leaving the boys' care in my interns' hands now. They'll look after them unless one of them takes a turn for the worse, which I doubt. If it does, though, they have strict instructions to come for me. But only if it's an emergency." The blonde could see that he was ready to dispute that, but she was too tired, and moved to wrap her arms around his body and rest her forehead against his chest. "I'm sorry for yelling at you back there."

He was frozen before he cleared his throat and rested his chin on the crown of her head. "You're so hard to take care of."

She smiled softly against his shirt. "I know."

"Jasper hasn't stopped pouting since he lost the election." Bellamy threw himself on top of Clarke's bed with a groan after having kicked off his shoes. "Miller, of course, isn't making it any easier."

"He's been lording it around," Clarke agreed with a smile. "He and Raven are enjoying their Godmother/Godfather status." She turned to face Bellamy on the bed and wondered when it had become so natural for him to lay down besides her like this. "I think Octavia is a little jealous."

"She likes Miller, now?" Bellamy looked horrified. "The Grounder is going to be pissed!"

She snorted and shook her head. "No. I mean, she's jealous of the fact that Raven is Godmother. I think she wants to kidnap the child and claim the only other bond with it other than ours."

Bellamy snorted. "She's such a brat."

"Lincoln is a brave man," Clarke agreed.

Bellamy made a face, still not used to the fact that his sister and the Grounder were together.

Clarke rubbed her tummy. "Do you want a boy or girl?"

Bellamy shrugged. "Either. I don't really have a preference."

She raised an eyebrow. "I've always been told fathers want sons so they can pass their lineage on."

"What lineage?" Bellamy snorted. "The guy who tried to murder Jaha?"

"You're the guy who did everything he could, sacrificed everything, to save his sister." Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. "You did what you had to do, and nobody thinks less of you for that."

His dark gaze turned to her as he stared at her silently. He looked as if he was searching for something, and she didn't know what exactly he could be looking for. "Do you wonder if somehow they made it?"

She licked her lips. "It's been too long, Bellamy. Even if they didn't die in the Exodus ship when it crashed, they would've run out of air up in the Ark." She took in a deep breath. "We're all that remain." She hesitated before she reached out and brushed a dark curl from his face. "We'll be fine though, because we have you."

He gulped, his eyes still searching. "Clarke…"

"Yeah?" She tilted her head slightly.

He took in a deep breath. "Nothing. It's nothing." He turned so that he lay on his back and gazed at the ceiling. "A girl."

She blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Even though I'll be happy with whatever we have, if I had to pick, I'd pick a daughter." Bellamy licked his lips. "We can always try for a son next time."

Clarke's eyes widened in shock.

What did he-?

Bellamy merely stared at the ceiling, tense, and didn't say another word after that.

Clarke couldn't find her voice, and couldn't look away from him, confused and hopeful.

Neither of them spoke, and Clarke fell asleep with him still staring up at the ceiling.

When she awoke the next day, curled around Bellamy for the first time ever as he snored slightly, she flushed darkly, cuddled closer, and went back to sleep.

20th-Jul-2014 09:24 pm (UTC)
gosh this is sooo cute... but i would be terrified being in clarks position... birthing a child with no real doctor or a hospital in sight...

thanks for the update :D
21st-Jul-2014 02:09 am (UTC)
Bellamy and Clarke are so adorable and so clueless. Octavia is freaking hilarious and of course Raven won godmother. Great job with this.
21st-Jul-2014 02:27 am (UTC)
Yeah. I'm sorry, I would *not* want to go up against Raven for anything. She's capable (and willing) to play dirty.
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