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Lana Lang And The Screaming Skull 1/1 
1st-May-2009 10:25 pm

Title: Lana Lang And The Screaming Skull
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Slight Chlana
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville
Summary:Chloe is flabbergasted when Lana comes asking for help...with the screaming skull she's found in her basement. No one can get it out, and its all left to Chloe to do something about it. This is going to be fun. But its not what it seems
Note: Written for My Paranormal 150 Prompt Table 26. "Screaming Skull".

“You found what in your new home?” Chloe asked, biting down on her bottom lip as Lana Lang sat demurely next to her on her sofa, wringing her hands nervously in front of her.

“A skull.” Lana almost stuttered on the word, but she managed to get it out somehow. “N-normally finding something like that here in Smallville isn’t that unusual, but when the policeman tried to take it away as evidence it—it screamed.”

“Huh?” Chloe blinked, surprised and confused. “It screamed?”

Lana nodded furiously. “It wouldn’t stop screaming until the terrified officer dropped it and ran back to his patrol car. I had to mop urine off the floor of my basement and keep an eye on that thing!” The tiny brunette was near tears, and obviously desperate. “Since then I’ve tried removing it myself but it keeps screaming and then when I ignored it and continued to take it up the stairs the whole house erupted in this thumping noise and I was too terrified to continue. I---I put it back.”

Somehow Chloe wasn’t surprised that this had happened to Lana. The girl was as much of a weird-magnet as she was, maybe even more. It was something that happened to you when you’d lived in Smallville for so long.

“Why exactly did you come to me?” Chloe wanted to know, eyeing the petite girl curiously. “Why not Clark or Pete? Or even Lex?” Lana and Lex had always gotten along well, unlike Chloe, who seemed unable to be in the same room with the handsome billionaire without World War III breaking loose.

“Well, actually…” Lana’s hazel gaze lowered in shame. “I did go to them first. But the sound of the screaming hurt Clark’s ears and he nearly went deaf, and then Pete nearly peed his pants when the house started to close in on him, and the skull tried to bite Lex.”

Chloe had to bit down quickly on her bottom lip to keep from bursting out laughing at the image of a furious skull biting Lex Luthor. She would have paid money to see his look of utter indignation when that’d happened.

“So I thought, after all of them failed and said I should move out and try to sell the place, that you have always been in tune with the supernatural, paranormal, weird stuff.” Lana was going to the point. “Maybe you could check it out and figure a way to get rid of the skull, without the house eating you alive.”

“I love the fact that you said maybe.” Chloe snorted before sighing and getting up. “Okay, let’s try this.”

“Thank Chloe!” Those hazel eyes were wide and hopeful.

Chloe sighed.

Somehow she had a feeling that the skull would be the least of her problems.


The skull was the least of her problems.

She actually liked it somehow and could understand its reluctance to leave its resting place. As far as basements went, this one was pretty cozy. It wasn’t dark or dreary or horror-movie like at all, despite the fact that it had a genuine human skull resting on the side-table threatening whoever dared think of taking it away.

On the contrary, the basement seemed to be the most colorful part of the whole house. And when Chloe said colorful she meant pink. Lana had really put her all in decorating the basement, painting the walls, putting in tiles, and placing her nicest, plushiest sofa set down there, along with her large color television.

“Explain to me again why the basement looks like this?” Chloe asked, leaning against the cotton candy pink wall, gazing at Lana, who was sitting on the sofa, watching a daytime drama, the skull turned towards the television and watching Passions with rapt attention.

The sight was a little unnerving, but Chloe was used to seeing worse things. Then again, you really didn’t get much worse than Passions.

“Well, I didn’t want it to get lonely down here.” Lana replied, twiddling her fingers once more, expression sheepish. “I mean, it’s obviously aware of what’s going on around it and I thought it would be mean and inconsiderate of me to leave it down here in the darkness by itself. Alone. Abandoned. Bodiless. Bored.

Once again, Chloe was boggled by the mystery that was Lana Lang.

“You decorated the basement like Playhouse Barbie and bought an expensive television and furniture set so that the skull that you’ve been trying to get rid of doesn’t feel lonely?”

“Yeah.” Lana nodded, obviously glad that Chloe understood.

The blonde collapsed in the loveseat, looking over at the brunette. “You don’t really want to get rid of the skull, do you?”

There was silence.

And more silence.

Lana?” Chloe raised an eyebrow.

“Well…you see…” Lana cleared her throat nervously, blushing scarlet. “After graduation last year everyone kinda drifted apart. Clark got with Lois, Lex is deep in his business, and you, you’re some big-time reporter at the Daily Planet and don’t even come to the talon for coffee anymore because they have Starbucks in Metropolis.” Lana said the franchise’s name as if it were a curse.

Chloe wanted to smile, hell, she wanted to laugh, but she realized that this was a serious matter for Lana, so for her sake she remained serious. “You know, Lan, when people get lonely they usually get adog.”

The brunette’s lips turned up in a smile. “You don’t think I’m crazy.”

“Didn’t say that.” Chloe laughed. “I just think that maybe I should have been a better friend to you and not gotten so caught up in my work.”

“It’s your dream, Chloe.” Lana whispered, gaze lowered. “I understand.” Her gaze returned to the television as she sighed. “And I’m not all that lonely.”

“Lana. You moved into your basement and adopted a skull.”

There was silence.

Then Lana blinked. “Well, when you put it that way…”

Laughing again, Chloe got up and went to sit next to the other girl. “And I bet you liked this skull from the beginning. I bet all those attempts to get it out were just to an excuse to try and reconnect with everyone else but they just didn’t get it, did they?”

“I hate it when you do that.” The other girl mumbled, looking embarrassed.

The skull made a shushing noise, and Chloe turned to the television, noticing that Ethan and Theresa were having a tearful heart to heart.

She made a face. “If it’s going to stay, you’re going to have to teach it better television taste.”

Lana sighed. “I tried, but every time I change the channel whenever this program is on it starts to scream and won’t stop until I’ve changed it back.”

“Bummer.” Chloe announced as the program finally finished on some sort of cliffhanger that she really wasn’t interested in, but the groan from the skull said that it felt otherwise.

Now I’m free to watch whatever I want.” Lana grinned, grabbing the remote and passing it to Chloe. “Find a movie for us and I’ll get the snacks from upstairs.”

“Ok.” Chloe nodded, intrigued by how easily they were slipping back into their old routine, this time with an opinionated skull added to the mix, and nothing seemed out of place.

Lana got up and was about to move when she turned back to the blonde. “Chloe?”

“Uh-huh?” She asked, already surfing the channels, noticing from the grunts and moans the skull let loose which channels it found interesting.


Looking up at that, Chloe smiled. “For what?”

“For understanding, not calling me a loony, for being here.” Lana smiled shyly. “I missed you a lot.”

Chloe sent a sideways glance at the skull and then grinned cheekily at Lana. “Yeah, I could tell.” She chuckled. “Don’t know how I feel about being replaced by a skull though.”

Lana’s gaze went tender. “You could never be replaced.” And with that she surprised Chloe by swooping down and pressing her lips tentatively to hers before pulling away, blushing, and rushing up the stairs to get the promised snacks.

Chloe, shell-shocked, didn’t even blink until the door upstairs closed. She then turned to the skull, eyes suspicious. “Did you know that she--?”

The skull moaned and gave a little shriek.

“Hmmm.” Not sure how to take that response Chloe sighed and turned her attention back to the television and after some searching, narrowed down the prospects to two candidates. “Okay skull. Harry Potter movie marathon or Scream Trilogy Marathon?”

Considering the options in silence for a moment, the skull let out the loudest scream Chloe had ever head.

Ears ringing, she shook her head and smiled. “That’s what I thought.”

2nd-May-2009 03:46 am (UTC)
LOL this crack me up!!!
2nd-May-2009 04:17 am (UTC)
Thank you! Somehow I couldn't write a oneshot about a screaming skull without it being a parody, lol. Glad you liked it.
3rd-May-2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
A screaming skull!! lol, girl, you have some imagination i'm telling you :p
Lana and the pink basement, rofl
7th-Apr-2010 11:34 am (UTC)
Interesting concept. I love thescreaming skull. There should bemore stories featuring this 'character'. I could easily see it in a Buffy setting, especially with Buffy and/or willow taking to it, lol.

7th-Apr-2010 11:56 am (UTC)
Haha! I can see it in a Buffy story too now that you mention it!!!
14th-May-2010 08:44 am (UTC)
Everytime I read this I can't help but think that that skull is Spike's...

Still I loved this!
14th-May-2010 11:09 am (UTC)
*snorts* now that you say that I can't get it off my mind!!!! lmao
21st-Jun-2015 02:43 am (UTC)
That was utterly adorable. I really liked this. I kinda wish there was more. Thank you for this.
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