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shadowglove88
Destiny 3/? 
20th-Jul-2009 05:39 pm
merlin/arthur---gaze and heart
 
Title: Destiny
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin
Summary: AU. When Merlin's father returns suddenly Merlin realizes that his destiny isn't exactly what he thought it would be. Separated from Arthur, Merlin's life is turned upside down, never once suspecting that Arthur might miss him with the same intensity, or that their destiny is going to be tested and tried as his magic begins creating all sorts of troubles and attracting all sorts of potential rivals...
Note: Icon that inspired story was created by [info]jade_dragoness 


 

Sometimes Merlin wondered about his father.

King Wyborn had once been a god, and Merlin wonders what that means. Had his father been this huge being to whom the world seemed like a child’s ball, or was he intangible and everywhere at once? What had it been to have so much power---and what had he done to have all of his powers sealed within him, never again to access them? To be sent to live amongst mortal humans who’d seemed so insignificant to him before?

The young warlock wanted to know more, but about that part of his life his father is extremely reserved. There’s a sadness in his eyes whenever Merlin would ask him about his life before mortality, and Merlin discovered that he didn’t want to continue putting that look in his eyes so he stops asking and is content with the favor of the man he wished he’d known since childhood.

And he tries not to feel so guilty.

Guilty because he now had adoring and doting and protective parents, while Arthur never knew his mother, and his father was a horrible, feeling-less tyrant.

He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this when this was all Arthur ever wanted in his life, and it keeps Merlin from enjoying it completely.

A sigh escapes his lips as he looked out of the window in his room.

He really didn’t blame Arthur for hating him now that he thought about it.

Merlin was suddenly a prince more powerful than him, with two parents who truly loved him, and whom everyone was sure was having a relationship with Morgana. It was as if Merlin had stolen Arthur’s dream-life.

And dammit, he felt guilty.

If only Arthur would talk to him, then Merlin would explain everything, he’d explain that Morgana and he were only friends and that he’d never take her away from Arthur, he’d never hurt Arthur.

Never.

Sighing, Merlin just wished he could talk to Arthur, to let him see the real him, not this enemy Arthur must have created in his mind.

Merlin didn’t even notice the jolt of magic that shot out of him before his knees crumbled under him and his eyes rolled in the back of his head.

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“Merlin?”

Merlin turned at the sound of his name, and his heart skipped a beat as he saw Arthur standing before him, bathed in the mystical beauty of moonlight, looking at him in a mixture or surprise and awe.

“Arthur.” He smiled, just so happy to be seeing him again.

He’d known deep inside that he missed Arthur horribly, but only now that he could gaze upon that handsome and beloved face did he realize just how much he’d missed him.

Merlin.” And then Arthur was hugging him, encircling him tightly with those warm, muscular arms and seeming to try and fuse them as one.

Merlin didn’t complain, he hugged back, arms around Arthur’s waist, cheek pressed against his shoulder, eyes closed tightly.

He’d missed Arthur so horribly…

“Merlin, you’re here.” Arthur whispered into his hair, breathing in his scent. “You’re here, right? You’re really here?”

The pain and worry in Arthur’s voice made Merlin feel even guiltier. “I’m here Arthur, I’ll always be here for you.”

“God above, I’ve missed you!” Arthur’s hold was slightly painful but Merlin didn’t complain, didn’t mind. “Don’t go back, Merlin. I’m sorry, I should have treated you better. I shouldn’t have been such an abysmal prat.”

It was around this moment that Merlin realized this was a dream.

And it hurt.

He knew that Arthur would never hold him, never act like this with him, knew he’d never act as if his life were meaningless without Merlin, wouldn’t be terrified to let go of him in case he slip through his fingers.

That was how Merlin realized this was a dream, and it bothered him, because if this wasn’t really happening, if this was a figment of his imagination---did this mean that he wanted to be in Arthur’s arms?

Did he want Arthur to act as if he were the most important person to him?

“Don’t marry her, Merlin.”

Merlin stiffened in Arthur’s arms.

Even in his dreams people were bringing up Morgana.

“Arthur----.”

“She’s dislikable and disoloyal and you can do better, you, you---.”

Not even in his dreams was he going to let someone slight Morgana.

Merlin pushed away, frowning at Arthur. “Don’t say that about her. She’s never been either of those things and you know it. You can’t treat her like that, she’s done nothing wrong.”

Arthur’s eyes flashed angrily as he stormed towards Merlin, lips pulled back in a snarl. “She betrayed me.”

Merlin gulped, forgetting all about his own abilities, and found himself backed up against the wall in Arthur’s bedroom.

The look in Arthur’s eyes was feral.

It was almost as if he was seeing a side of Arthur that the prince had kept hidden from him.

“I trusted her.” Arthur hissed, planting his hands on either side of Merlin’s head against the wall, effectively trapping the young warlock in place.

Not that he’d be able to escape, Arthur’s gaze alone had ensured his inability to move.

“I trusted her and she didn’t think twice about betraying me for her own gain!”

Merlin fought the sadness guilt and, and the unnamble other emotion he had at the sadness and anger and betrayal in Arthur’s voice. He obviously loved Morgana a lot, and had confessed his feelings for her.

So it made sense that he saw Morgana actively participating in this ‘courtship’ as a betrayal in his eyes.

But still, what had he expected Morgana to do?

She was in danger, and it wasn’t as if she could be sure that Arthur wouldn’t become like his father or give her up to King Uther if she told him about her abilities!

She had probably tried to tell Arthur before, countless times, wanted to tell him so much but Arthur would never listen, or he’d say something that’d make her fear and doubt and kept quiet!

Merlin looked away as he realized that maybe he wasn’t only talking about Morgana.

He was glad, actually, that he hadn’t been blinded by what he’d foolishly thought had been kinship, and told the prince about his magic. This whole business had proved to the warlock that the real Arthur had never had any true regard for him.

And that made him feel hurt and bitter and he glared at the dream Arthur.

“What right do you have to complain and whine about the situation?” He found himself hissing, pushing Arthur away angrily. “You think just because you’re Prince Arthur of Camelot everyone has to bow to your feelings? You prat! If you don’t even fight for what you truly want, what right do you have to sulk and pout?”

Arthur looked shocked and hurt. “Merlin…”

“No, don’t ‘Merlin’ me!” Merlin threw his hands up in the air, glad he was able to vent through this dream—--he’d never be able to be like this with the real Arthur. “You fight for Camelot and for your honor and for your father’s approval even though you know deep inside you’ll never get it, but you bow out and cower away from the most noble of all fights! You won’t fight for the person you love! And thatmakes you a coward who deserves what you’re feeling right now.”

Arthur drew away, face pained, shaking his head. “No---it---Merlin---I can’t have the one person I love. I can’t!” He looked away. “It’s a battle I will lose.”

“No battles are lost.” Merlin growled. “People just give up fighting!”

Arthur turned to Merlin in surprise at that. “Merlin?” His voice was a soft, unsure whisper. “What are you saying?”

Arthur’s change in attitude surprised Merlin into hesitating for a moment, confused, his anger seeping away. “All I’m saying, Arthur, is that I never once believed that there was a battle you couldn’t win, no matter how dangerous or hard or tiring the obstacles in your way.” He gave his once master a small smile. “When did you start doubting yourself? That’s not the arrogant prat who landed me in the stocks more times than we can both count.”

Arthur stilled looked confused and hesitant, but at least he was smiling slightly.

It was that little glimpse of hope that eliminated the last remaining residue of his anger, and all Merlin wanted to do was help Arthur.

And---and if that meant helping him with Morgana, then so be it.

All he wanted was Arthur happy.

That was all he wanted.

If Arthur was alive, safe and happy, then Merlin was happy…even if at the moment he felt sad and resigned for some unexplainable reason as he tried to convince Arthur to go after Morgana and win her over.

“You slay dragons and rescue damsels fair,” Merlin whispered. “What’s a little courtship to Arthur Pendragon?”

Arthur took a step towards Merlin before pausing, looking like he was about to reach out to him before clenching his fist.

But he was smiling softly.

“My father will kill me.” Arthur’s small smile was growing slowly but steadily, his gaze once more tender as he tilted his head to the right, gaze solely on Merlin. “If I do this, you won’t win, Merlin, you will not even have a chance of winning. If I do this, when I do this, you will have to submit to me, submit to my will, and you will give me what I want. You will give me the only thing my heart has ever desired, and I will never let it go; never let it slip from my fingers again.”

Merlin nodded in agreement.

If Arthur came after Morgana to court her then he’d step away happily, it wasn’t as if he’d truly thought of ever marrying her---unless it was to keep her safe.

But still the thought of Morgana as queen of Camelot hurts his heart.

Of course, he’d forgotten that this was a dream, that this conversation really wasn’t happening.

Or so he’d thought.

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Gasping, Morgana shot awake, heart beating rapidly in fear.

The nightmares weren’t giving her rest, not even with Gaius’ strongest elixirs.

“Is it the same dream?” Gaius asked her from the darkness of the carriage.

They’d been traveling a week already, and in a few days (if the weather continued to hold up) they’d have crossed the borders from Camelot into Valador.

Until they entered Merlin’s land Morgana wouldn’t relax.

“Yes, it’s the same dream.” Morgana whispered softly.

She was missing Gwen, but her handmaiden had become ill and hadn’t been able to journey with them, but she’d join her as soon as she got well again.

“I’m scared, Gaius.” Morgana whispered.

“I know my child.” Gaius reached over and patted her shoulder comfortingly. “But we will soon be out of Uther’s kingdom, and in Merlin’s land you will be safe.”

She took in a deep breath, trying not to think about Uther’s knights all around her, guarding the carriage on its journey to Castle Valador.

Men loyal to Uther.

Men who didn’t blink when Uther ordered them to kill.

She shivered.

“I wish Arthur had come.” She whispered. “But then again, he hates me now with just vengeance that he’d probably--.”

“Don’t finish that sentence, milady.” Gaius reprimanded softly. “Young Prince Arthur is just adjusting. But no matter what happens between you two, he would give his life to protect you.”

Morgana bit her bottom lip to keep from questioning that out loud.

Gauis seemed to truly believe that, but Morgana realized how much Arthur desired and loved Merlin, and she’d begun wondering just how far the prince would have gone to make him his own had Merlin not become a prince.

“Sleep now, my child.” Gaius soothed. “We shall reach Valador soon.”

“We still have some days travel.” Morgana mumbled, but she closed her eyes obediently nonetheless.

Gauis chuckled. “It will be good to see Merlin again.”

Morgana smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

It would be good to see her dear friend again.

And maybe with him there she’d feel safe enough to sleep a night with the nightmares consuming her.

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It was the darkest part of the night, and Arthur was in the stables, saddling up his stallion. He’d raided the kitchens and gotten all he needed to sustain himself until he reached Valador. Even if he did run out of supplies he always had gold and could buy more from any village in between here and his destination.

He called himself a million foul names for being such a prat.

If he hadn’t been such a bloody idiot, sulking in corners like some sort of woman, he could have made leeway already in the situation.

Three months had passed since he’d last seen Merlin.

Three months different lords and ladies (and even Morgana) had used to try and win Merlin’s favor.

Growling, Arthur mounted the horse, leading it out of the stable in time for a young groom to appear.

Three months was time enough.

It was time to remind Merlin who he belonged to—Prince or no Prince.

“Your Highness?” The young groom asked in surprise.

“Tell my father that I am going to Valador to reconcile my friendship with Prince Merlin.” And with that Arthur spurred the horse on, and it galloped away rapidly.

He didn’t care that both he and Merlin were males, and princes, both supposed to marry to provide heirs to their kingdom.

He wanted Merlin, he loved him, and Arthur wasn’t about to let him slip out of his fingers another time.

Not again.

Not after that dream.

What’s a little courtship to Arthur Pendragon?’ His dream Merlin had asked softly.

Everything. Arthur closed eyes for a second, smiling, happy now that he was headed towards the greatest, noblest battle of all. “Everything.”

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Comments 
22nd-Jul-2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
ha! glad you like it! Next chapter is being uploaded now so you should see it soon!
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